Derrick Thomas' Bastard Children

Top 10 Super Bowl Commericals

2009-02-01T23:51:00.000-08:00

10) Budwiser – Fetch

Because something had to be number ten. This one wasn’t too bad though.

9) Cash 4 Gold

This commercial would be rated higher if the company in question, Cash4Gold.com, was not a scam.

8) NBC – LMAO

Out of all the annoying network plugs that one has to endure every Super Bowl, I think this one was the best I’ve ever seen.

7) Bud Light – Drinkability 1

This commercial is number one because it completely sums up the economic crisis. And because I want to work for that company.

6) Audi – Chase

If I was not James Bond, I’d want to be that guy. Also points for the Tommy Boy reference (see: sign on movie theater).

5) Bud Light – Drinkability 2

This was one of the better drinkability commercials. However, since this particular commercial franchise has been used before, it suffered on the creativity scale.

4) Bud Light – Sweedish

I like Connan.

3) Doritos Crystal Ball

A great commercial and got added bonus points for making me think about the Office.

2) ETrade – Golden Pipes

This commercial represents the “Golf” ETrade commercial that aired before and after the Super Bowl. I couldn’t find a link to it so I went with the not quite as good but still good Golden Pipes commercial.

1) Teleflora

An absolutely fantastic commercial.

Worst Commercial(s)

There are two catagories for Worst Commercial: Local and National.

For those who were unlucky enough to be in the KC area to watch the Super Bowl, you got the pleasure of watching an NBC Action News commercial that relived, in detail, the Len Elliot game. The catch was about accuracy, which, apparently, Gary Lezak has. Sadly for him, I’ll never know because I refuse to watch his forecast ever again. EVER!

The Undesputed National Number One Super Bowl Commercial: NBC Heroes Football – Because anything that ends with John Elway being a hero sucks.

Andrew Wins... Bastard.

2009-02-01T23:07:00.000-08:00

So Andrew had a party last night to celebrate his inexplicable back-to-back championship. I was not invited.

However, I was able to obtain a video of Andrew's party. Andrew appeared to let out his true colors on stage. I always knew Andrew was a little ... umm ... off.

Congrats Andrew, you gay son of a bitch.

When Frogs Fly, The Chiefs Will Win the Superbowl

2009-01-28T00:15:00.000-08:00

For the last few days I’ve been trying to sum up my current feelings about the Kansas City Chiefs and had a lot of difficulty.

In January, the Chiefs have managed to reel one of the top, young management minds in the game – if not all of sports – and fire one of the worst coaches in franchise history.*

*The Chiefs have had nine head coaches and one interim head coach in franchise history including the Texans years. Below is how they stack up:

Schottenheimer (10 seasons): 101-58-1, .634
Stram (15 seasons): 124-76-10, .614
Vermeil (5 seasons): 44-36, .550
Cunningham (2 seasons): 16-16, .500
Mackovic (4 seasons): 30-34, .469
Levy (5 seasons): 31-42, .425
Wiggin (2.5 seasons): 11.24, .314
Edwards (3 seasons): 15-33, .313
Ganz (2 seasons): 8-22-1, .274
Bettis (interim HC in ‘77): 1-6, .143

You can give all the arguments you want about how he had to rebuild and that he inherited some kind of crazy mess from Vermeil and what not. That may be true, but Schottenheimer inherited a mess too. Stram built a team from the ground up and then managed to have a string of 10-straight winning seasons. Levy was a .500 coach after his first season with the Chiefs. Mackovic even won 10 games in his final season. Edwards’ teams got progressively worse. He swung and missed on Brodie Croyle; his defenses, his supposed strength, got worse every year; he turned LJ into a run-down, woman-beating low life, and then managed to be the first Chiefs head coach to have a two-win 16 game season and the first to only win two games and be employed for the full season. Outstanding work I must say.

However, it has become clear to me that my fandom is about to take a radical change. Since Scott Pioli has been hired there has been this new “professional” attitude in which all peoples who work at Arrowhead operate as if they have a brain. This is nice for two reasons: It at least gives the impression that the Chiefs know what they are doing and it makes Chris Mortensen look like a baboon.*

*Calling someone a “baboon” is an insult used far too infrequently.

But there is a hard reality to dealing with a franchise that operates close to the vest: There is nothing substantive to talk about. Normally information is free-flowing from Arrowhead, thus providing real events and facts in which to analyze and breakdown. But things are different now. We are forced to actually wait for the decision to occur before we can say anything. This provides this weird interim period in which rumors fly and people go crazy.

This period of time can be fun, but only for a while. Then it gets old. REALLY old. I’d like to compare it to a conversation I heard a five-year-old Autistic kid and one of his peers have during snack time this week at work. It went something like this:

A-kid: I like the red Spiderman.

Dumb kid*: I like the black Spiderman (This is a reference to the villain “Venom” in the Spiderman “graphic novels.” I’ve learned a lot about Spiderman recently…).

A-kid: I like the red Spiderman because he eats food like this. [He then proceeds to shove food in his mouth and shake his head back and forth while licking his fingers – a very complicated maneuver for the child.]

Dumb kid: I like the black Spiderman because he eats… he eats frogs.

A-kid: [Gives Dumb Kid a look of utter confusion.**]

Dumb kid: [Does not recognize A-kid’s dumbfounded look and elaborates.] I like the black Spiderman because he can fly.

A-kid: No. [A-kid is now disgusted by Dumb Kid’s lack of black Spiderman knowledge.] Black Spiderman can’t fly.

Dumb kid: Yes he can. He flies like a frog.

A-kid: [Scoffs at this notion with a condescending laugh.] Frogs can’t fly.

Dumb kid: Yes they can!

A-kid: No they can’t. Only dragons can fly.

*I’m not kidding about how stupid this kid is. For the sake of this Pozstricks I will call him “Calvin”. Calvin is a Title One kid. This means, in short, that there is nothing cognitively wrong with him (his brain is healthy), but there is an underlying situation (poverty, single-parent home, foster child, lived outside the country, etc.) that has delayed his development. Calvin is a misdiagnosed Title-kid. He’s an idiot, if you’re allowed to say that about a five-year-old. Calvin reminds me a lot of the fat, slow, stupid henchmen in movies whose only purpose is to be superhero fodder and slow him down a little bit to give the villain a chance to runaway or set up some kind of trap. He looks exactly like that – only he’s a five-year-old. I fully expect to see him in movies 25 years from now.

ANYWAY, everyday when Calvin arrives at school we go over to his cubby to put his coat and backpack away. While we are there, we stare at his nametag and go letter-by-letter how to spell his name. Generally, I point to the “C” and he will say “T”. I’ll point to the “A” and he will say “Q”. I’ll point to the “L” and he’ll say “S”. This goes on until we get to the “N” in which he says, “Seven.” So, if you’re keeping score at home, one should spell “Calvin” as such: T-Q-S-P-K-7. He does all of this truly believing he is correctly spelling his name. Mind you, we’ve done this exercise everyday since the middle of August and he has been seeing a therapist once a week all school year to specifically work on language skills such as recognizing his name. Ugh. Oh well, at least we know his problem isn’t his brain…

**One of the fantastic stereotypes about autistic kids is that they have limited facial expressions. And, like all stereotypes, this is true. Normally, this is something that I would hate because my whole communication pattern is predicated on non-verbal feedback. I NEED non-verbals or else I'll have a meltdown and runaway - it's true, ask Andrew. ANYWAY, this isn't a problem for me with autistic preschoolers because they think I'm cool anyway for being 16-feet tall (to them). That and half of them don't know how to talk yet. That also helps. The point I'm getting at here is that, even in their limited facial expressions, they are fantastically well-tailored for lighting up the "unintentional comedy odmeter" for various social situations. For instance, the A-kid in the story above's second (he has three) facial expression is one that is interchangeable for "you're an idiot" and "I don't understand" moments. However, the facial expression leans towards the "you're an idiot" side when it initially comes across his face. This is great. For instance, you can tell him his shirt is blue and he'll flash his second face and you'll instantly feel retarded. It's fantastic. It's even more fantastic when one of the middle-aged female teachers looks at him and says, "Don't I look younger today?" and he flashes the second face. It's beautiful. A-kids don't lie and it's wonderful. Except for when it's about you... then it sucks.

And there you have it – the Chiefs offseason so far.

One reporter – we’ll call him Mris Chortensen – makes some crazy claim like, “Mike Shanahan is the next Chiefs head coach.” And then this is reputed by another reporter who retorts with a half-truth, half-speculative comment: “That’s not true! Mike Shanahan is not the next Chiefs head coach… I think.”

So while the rest of us fans are sitting at bars and standing by the figurative water cooler debating the merits of whether or not certain species of dragons can fly, the Chiefs – more specifically Scott Pioli – is roaming the halls of Arrowhead hoarding information and actually following a plan.* And you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m alright debating what constitutes flying in relation to certain types of frogs or whether rumored head coach candidate Todd Haley is capable of leading the Chiefs or if Chris Mortensen is the worst reporter in the history of mankind if I know that somewhere inside Arrowhead Stadium, Scott Pioli is building a championship team. I can live with that.

*I think.

But what I do know for certain is that the quantity of my informed Chiefs opinions are going to decrease.

I also know jack shit about dragons.

Bad Things Come In Sevens: A League Trade Review

2009-01-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the entire fantasy football season, there was precisely seven (7!) trades made. That’s it. Very lame.

Anyway, I’m here to break them all down, in retrospect and in order of occurrence, so we can all see how Joel managed to make half of the trades in the league… and screw them up.

TRADE ONE

Weseloh GETS
Joseph Addai
Thomas Jones
Marques Colston

Schilb GETS
Chris Johnson
Donald Driver
Ryan Grant
Jamal Lewis

Thoughts:

I think Joel actually came away on top in this one. Johnson was a consistent performer as a rookie and is an excellent keeper prospect as a 12th round pick (undrafted). Worse case scenario, Johnson is an excellent flex option for next year. Grant struggled in the first half of the season, but redeemed himself a bit at the end of the year.

Joseph Addai and Marques Colston were never fully healthy all season. This hurt Jeff for much of the middle of the season. A healthy Addai and Colston and Jeff would have been tough to beat.

TRADE TWO

Weseloh GETS
Reggie Wayne
Larry Johnson

Allen GETS
Willis McGahee
Thomas Jones
Randy Moss

Thoughts:

Total crapshoot of a trade. Just… ugh. I can’t even analyze this. Next trade…

TRADE THREE

Allen GETS
Eddie Royal

C. Wessley GETS
Steven Jackson

Thoughts:

Ouch. This is not a good deal for Tony. He gave up on his biggest “boom” fantasy guy for a, at best, fourth option keeper. If you are keeping Eddie Royal at the end of this season, you’re not in good shape for the long haul. A steal for Chris.

TRADE FOUR

Weseloh GETS
LaDainian Tomlinson

C. Wessley GETS
Julius Jones
Marques Colston

Thoughts:

This was a gutsy trade by Chris, but he had nothing to lose at that point in the season. I do think that Chris pulled the trigger a little too late on LDT, otherwise he would have gotten a better haul than Colston and Jones. But I liked the idea. Weseloh, with exception to the final week of the season, never got “LDT” production for LDT. So giving up on a keepable guy in Colston (although round three is high) for a guy who can’t be kept and never gave you the punch you’re looking for is a bit of a disappointment. But I don’t blame him for trading for him either. Ultimately, I think this trade is a push.

TRADE FIVE

Weseloh GETS
Steve Smith
Donovan McNabb
LenDale White

Johnson GETS
Reggie Wayne
Matt Forte

Thoughts:

Erik essentially traded what was bench fodder for him for and excellent keeper prospect. McNabb and was his backup quarterback and wasting away on the bench. White was a guy who was either going to get 20 points or nothing at all and Smith was on a team that was running the ball far too well to be throwing it as often as Erik liked. So Erik traded one top level receiver for another and a couple of bench guys for an excellent keeper prospect in Matt Forte (8th round) who also helped earn the regular season championship. Erik really hit the trade out of the park and was the difference between him being the top seed and Jason being the second seed.

Jeff didn’t necessarily bomb on the trade, but he is developing a disturbing trend in trading great keeper guys (Chris Johnson and Matt Forte this season, Adrian Peterson last season).

TRADE SIX

Weseloh GETS
Chris Johnson
Ryan Grant
Brett Favre

Weseloh GETS
Donovan McNabb
LenDale White
Larry Johnson
Lance Moore

Thoughts:

Secretly, I think Joel thought he was getting Lance BASS in this traded, not Lance MOORE. Either way, Weseloh redeemed himself and got Johnson back, who should be an excellent keeper for him next year (I think I’ve said that three times already). Ryan Grant was a good back at the end of the season and Favre was in the playoff mix until the final week of the season.

Joel ended up with a solid Donovan McNabb and excellent postseason keeper. The same could be said about LenDale White. LJ and Lance Moore? No clue what getting they got him. There is always a “Lance Moore” in a Joel trade. Always.

TRADE SEVEN

Nielsen GETS
Wes Welker

Schilb GETS
T.J. Houshmandzadeh
Tyler Thigpen

Thoughts:

Aaaaaaand this is where Joel looks stupid. Sorry, but anybody who trades for Tyler Thigpen is an idiot. And you were doing so well Joel…

Welker went off for back-to-back 20 point efforts while T.J. found himself inactive. Thigpen also made no sense because he had just picked up Donovan McNabb and already had Ben Roethlisberger on his roster. Are you planning on keeping Tyler Thigpen, Joel? God, I hope so…

RE: Larry Fitzgerald

2009-01-26T06:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Larry Fitzgerald,

I’m sorry I pissed you off. No, really, I’m very, very, very sorry. I’ll never do it again.*

*No guarantees.

But you have to admit, you can’t blame me for doubting you. You’re not the only great receiver on that team. And the two quarterbacks you have throwing to you – Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart – are, well, Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart. How was I supposed to know Warner was going to play a full 16 game season for the first time since 2001? How was I supposed to know that Warner was going to magically learn how to “hold onto the football” for a full season? How was I supposed to know that the Cardinals were going to purposely abandon the running game for the entire season? And, most importantly, how was I supposed to know the Cardinals were going to bench their mega-million dollar franchise quarterback for a 37-year-old who everybody thought was washed up?

Now, I never believed you were a terrible wide receiver. I’ve always known you were talented. I remember watching you play for Pittsburgh in college and thinking you were going to make a very good pro. I would have taken a look at you for this year’s fantasy season if I didn’t feel like the combination of Braylon Edwards, Greg Jennings, Calvin Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh was going to be good enough.*

*Which it was. Hey, 50/50 ain’t bad. And how was I supposed to know Mr. Championship and Edwards were going to bust? Nobody thought they were going to suck. Adding Wes Welker mid-season helped ease that pain. Sorry, back to my apology letter.

As for these playoffs, I must say you’ve been ridiculously good. Though, some of it is somewhat tainted because the rest of the NFC has not caught onto the fact that they should double and triple team you when Anquan Boldin is not on the field, but, still, you’ve made some insane plays this postseason. My favorite would have to be the first touchdown catch you made against the Eagles in the NFC title game – the one where you ran over about seven people on your way to the endzone. That was insane. The backflip on the flea-flicker touchdown was pretty nice too.

Please take the following YouTube clip of some of your greater moments as a tribute for my failure to see Kurt Warner turning into a better quarterback than Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Joe Montana combine. I just didn’t see it coming.

Here’s to you, Larry -

Ben

Eagles/Vikings: 4th Quarter

2009-01-04T16:52:00.001-08:00

14:52
The Vikings are not good. The only reason why they are in this game is because, well, the Eagles are not very good either. As long as the Eagles win (so Peterson will be eliminated) I’ll be okay.

12:47

Here is something that I have learned: Blogging for a game with two bad teams is really hard.

The Vikings have no passing game, a terrible secondary, average (at best) linebackers and a horrible coach.

The Eagles have no true running game, a bad offensive line, no receivers, a mediocre defense and bad coaching.

Really, what we have here is two bad coaches with two bad teams in a bad conference. Yuck.

9:10

Jared Allen almost picked off a pass.

Brandon Albert > Jared Allen (because Albert would have made that catch…)

So, I just realized that Adrian Peterson’s touchdown run gets a touchdown bonus because it was 40+ yards. Damnit.

Adrian Peterson = 21 Fantasy Points

8:26

Are the Minnesota Vikings getting a new football stadium? Are they remodeling the Metrodome? I just realized the Twins are getting a new stadium. I wish the Royals were getting a new stadium. I wish these two teams didn’t suck (as Bernard Berrian just jumped offsides).

7:07

Aaaaaaaaand Sheldon Brown just dropped the easiest interception of his life. Jackson is terrible. Brown, apparently, is worse.

6:36

Brian Westbrook just took a screen pass 71 yards for a touchdown. I don’t even think he was touched, and it wasn’t because of good blocking necessarily. Westbrook only needed one block to get him in space and it was over from there. Wow. 23-14 Eagles.

6:24

Jackson almost threw another TAINT. Geez, he is bad.

6:19

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Jackson just threw into triple coverage. Fortunately for him Ed Reed was not back there.

5:12

HA! Celek just got jacked up! Bastard…

3:33

Jackson. Is. Awful.

2:54

Tevaris Jackson is Tyler Thigpen.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Philly just recovered a fumble on a bad snap. Game. Over. Mercifully.

Yesterday’s games were much better. The Ravens game wasn’t close and neither was this one, even though the Vikings had a lead at one point and was within a field goal for most of the game.

2:33

So, I’ve been misspelling Jackson’s name wrong all game. It is actually T-A-R-V-A-R-I-S Jackson. Oops.

I was really kind of hoping someone would draft Jackson in our playoff draft – it didn’t happen. Although, I almost drafted him for Jeff.

Jeff – you better show up to the baseball draft. Really, you better show up.

2:22

I’m pretty sure I just saw Jason Whitlock on the sidelines.

1:55

David Akers: Fantasy hero.

So the Eagles will play the Giants next week in what will be the matchup of the most unpredictable bipolar quarterbacks in the league: Donovan McNabb and Eli Manning.

1:50

I understand Childress is looking for a big play, but putting Adrian Peterson in to return the kickoff seems a little stupid to me. You’re not going to win this game, why risk blowing out Peterson’s ACL on what will prove to be a meaningless kick return?

Again, I understand why he did it; I just think it’s stupid.

:00

Game is mercifully over. Eagles win. Next week’s games should be much better.

Eagles/Vikings: 3rd Quarter

2009-01-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

14:20

I’ve got a correction to make. I believe I assigned DeAngelo Williams to Erik in a previous post. Williams belongs to Jason. Oops. This makes this game’s outcome a little more tolerable.

I still home Minnesota loses.

12:52

Since when did Kleinsasser become the greatest Vikings target on the team? Sheesh.

11:40

In honor of the BCS graphic that just popped up: Go Ohio State.

10:38

Jackson fumbles because he held onto the ball for half an hour. He’s fortunate to recover his own fumble.

After a punt and penalty, the Vikings are backed up inside their own 10. This is the part where Brian Westbrook breaks one.

Also, I’d like to thank CBS and FOX for have far more diversity in commercials than NBC. It’s been slightly more tolerable. Slightly.

10:03

I’m pretty sure McNabb was just the benefactor of a Madden glitch and did not get sacked in the endzone on that last play. I swear I saw someone nail McNabb, but nothing happened.

9:08

McNabb completes a “big pass” to a no name receiver for a first down on third and 11. Big play. And while we’re at it, McNabb is a great thrower of the football.

7:50

It’s another Tom Selleck sighting!!! This time it’s a 19-yard reception.

I’ve now learned his name is Brent Celek. This is far less entertaining. I now hate Brent. Screw Brent and his great “catcher of the football” skills.

6:02

You know how people make a lot about how quarterback complete passes to a wide array of receivers? Why is that such a big complement to the quarterback? Shouldn’t it be a bigger slam on a defense’s secondary that another team can complete passes to their fifth, sixth, seventh even eighth targets? Why does this make the quarterback special? I don’t understand.

3:50

Good news: The Eagles eat a whole bunch of time on the drive. Bad news: The Eagles did not score. The Good news: Tavaris Jackson is still the Vikings quarterback. Bad news: Adrian Peterson is still the running back for the Vikings.

1:54

Dude, the Eagles have a guy on their team named “Gocong.” How awesome is that? New favorite player – screw that Celek guy. It appears Gocong is a great “tackler of the football player.” He is also a excellent “follower of the football” and “watcher of the quarterbacks eyes.”

1:21

Brad Childress is a joke of a coach. And I thought Herm was bad…

:44

Jared Allen forces a fumble that is eventually recovered by a Viking. So glad we don’t have that guy. Brandon Albert > Jared Allen

:40

Via Pro Football Talk

“Meanwhile, a league source tells us that former Chiefs G.M. Carl Peterson attended Sunday’s playoff game, and that Peterson was “loving up to Ross” before the opening kickoff.
Earlier on Sunday, Adam Schefter of NFL Network reported that multiple league insiders are convinced that Peterson will join the Dolphins after Ross assumes control of the team.
And, if Peterson is going to be there, it really doesn’t make sense for Parcells to stick around.
Unless Peterson is going to be picking up the Tuna’s dry cleaning. Or giving Parcells lessons in how to spend 20 years with the same team and never go to the Super Bowl.”

So there you go. The Dolphins are idiots.

Eagles/Vikings: 2nd Quarter

2009-01-04T15:11:00.000-08:00

Scoring Update Through Halftime

Erik

Peyton Manning = 21 (L)
Michael Turner = 8 (L)
Adrian Peterson = 18
Le’Ron McClain = 11 (W)
Reggie Wayne = 26 (L)
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Eagles = 8
Adam Vinatieri = 5 (L)

Total = 111

Jason

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Brian Westbrook = 2
Derrick Mason = 7 (W)
Vincent Jackson = 0 (W)
Bernard Berrian = 3
Visanthe Shiancoe = 0
Vikings = 3
David Akers = 10

Total = 42

Ben

Philip Rivers = 7 (W)
LDT = 8 (W)
Ronnie Brown = 11 (L)
Chris Chambers = 5 (W)
Mark Clayton = 1 (W)
Dallas Clark = 3 (L)
Ravens = 25 (W)
Nate Kaeding = 4 (W)

Total = 64

Andrew

Donovan McNabb = 2
Willis McGahee = 6 (W)
Joseph Addai = 12 (L)
Anthony Gonzalez = 9 (L)
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Anthony Fasano = 0 (L)
Jason Elam = 5 (L)

Total = 72
______________

Chris

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Michael Turner = 8 (L)
Adrian Peterson = 18
Ronnie Brown = 11 (L)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson = 0 (W)
Vicente Shiancoe = 0
Colts = 7 (L)

Total = 76

Jeff

Peyton Manning = 21 (L)
Joseph Addai = 12 (L)
LDT = 8 (W)
Le’Ron McClain = 11 (W)
Reggie Wayne = 26 (L)
Bernard Berrian = 3
Anthony Fasano = 0 (L)
Eagles = 8
David Akers = 10

Total = 99

Tony

Joe Flacco = 11 (W)
Willis McGahee = 6 (W)
Ricky Williams = 1 (L)
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Steve Breaston = 3 (W)
Dallas Clark = 3 (L)
Ryan Longwell = 2

Total = 42

Joel

Philip Rivers = 7 (W)
Brian Westbrook = 2
Correll Buckhalter = 2
Jerious Norwood = 3 (L)
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Derrick Mason = 7 (W)
David Martin = 1 (L)
Ravens = 25 (W)
Adam Vinatieri = 5 (L)

Total = 66

14:27

The Vikings have ZERO offense. If you need film of what Tyler Thigpen would look like in a playoff game, here it is.

It should be noted that Jackson just completed a 10-yard pass for a first down on a third down play. But you shouldn’t read into that – Thigpen would suck in the playoffs.

12:18

So, Jackson just threw a pass down field that landed about five yards short and to the right of the nearest human being (which happened to be an Eagle). Yeesh that was a bad throw.

12:14

The Eagles are bailing the Vikings out with lazy third down play. This time it is pass interference.

11:26

Asante Samuel is down with an injury. I wish we would have signed that guy. Imagine if we would have signed him, somehow resigned Jared Allen (although it would have been interesting if we would have franchised him, he didn’t play and then Peterson got fired… would have resigned with us?) and then had both Brandon Flowers and Carr in the draft. The defense would look a lot better right now. The linebackers would still suck ass, but we would look better.

11:05

Peterson breaks off a long touchdown run and appeared to bait the Eagles defender by holding out the football at around the 10-yardline. He didn’t actually bait him, but he just kind of hung the ball out there while he was looking over his shoulder to see who was coming. What a run. That kid is a beast. 7-6 Vikings.

10:53

Philly is getting nothing on the ground in this game. Minus the Buckhalter carry, the Eagles have two yards rushing. Two. Two rushing yards in 20 minutes of play. This plays out to 6 yards rushing (if you take out the Buckhalter carry). This is not a good sign.

But he Buckhalter carry did happen. I guess if you’re an Eagle fan, you can rest on the knowledge that a long run is plausible.

10:24

I know this is going to sound weird, but what would McNabb be like if he had a running game? Westbrook is a nice back, but he’s not a true running back – he’s a pass catching back, a get in space back.

It is noted that Westbrook missed two games (but he always seems to miss two games at least) – Westbrook had less than 1000 yards rushing this season. He averaged just 67 yards per game on the ground. The Eagles could really use a true run game and have packages with that back – the true back – with Westbrook somewhere in the formation. That would seem deadly to me.

9:21

DeSean Jackson. Where the crap did he come from. I know he was good in college and everything, but he wasn’t a true receiver, he was just REALLY fast. I’m surprised by the season he is having this year.

7:29

David Akers is a fantasy beast, hitting another field goal to give the Eagles a 9-7 lead. Akers now has 10 fantasy points.

6:43

Jackson comes through with a TAINT (Touchdown After Interception) and the Eagles are now up 16-7. What a terrible throw. So glad the Chiefs didn’t sign Asante Samuel.

6:27

Jared Allen leads all active players under the age of 27 in sacks. He is third in sacks amongst active players under 30 (behind Julius Peppers, age28, and Dwight Freeney, also 28). Freeney and Peppers each have 70.5 sacks through their age 28 season. Allen will be 27 next season. Think about this for a minute: At his current pace, Allen will have 88.5 sacks after his age 28 season. I hope Brandon Albert is worth it.

And another thing: Jared Allen is one hell of a long snapper.

3:40

Jackson is doing everything he can to make up for the terrible TAINT he threw. Back-to-back first down throws and a nice first down run puts the Vikings in a position to retake the lead. We’ll see how this goes…

2:25

Chester Taylor has been crazy good in this game.

Chester Taylor the last two seasons = 1243 yards rushing on 258 carries
Larry Johnson the last two seasons = 1433 yards rushing on 351 carries

1:55

I have a feeling that Philip Rivers is going to be my new John Elway if the Chargers win the Super Bowl this season. I really feel that I’m going to hate that guy passionately. And, yes, this means I’m not keeping him for next season even though he was a top five quarterback this year and I got him in the 11th round.

Speaking of hate, Adrian Peterson has just rushed for his second touchdown of the game. Bastardo. 18 fantasy points for Adrian Peterson. The good news is that Adrian Peterson is an eighth round keeper this year. Excellent trade last season Jeff. I. Hate. Erik.

1:40

I really need Donovan McNabb to win this game. Otherwise, Erik’s combination of Peterson and DeAngelo Williams is going to put this thing WAY out of reach.

1:26

A Tom Selick sighting!

And Donovan McNabb just threw and interception! Yipee!!!

1:00

I imagine the Vikings run out the clock to get to halftime. Son of bitch, the Vikings may actually win this game. Not good new, no, not good news at all.

:36

Brad Childress just threw the ball on second down. Idiot. I hope DeSean Jackson returns the punt for a touchdown.

He doesn’t.

:18

I’m pretty sure Joe Buck is convinced David Akers is going to hit a 60-yard field goal. Idiot. I hope Akers kicks him in the face.

He doesn’t.

Eagles/Vikings: 1st Quarter

2009-01-04T14:23:00.001-08:00

Point Update (Through 1st Quarter of Eagles/Vikings Game)

Erik

Peyton Manning = 21 (L)
Michael Turner = 8 (L)
Adrian Peterson = 0
Le’Ron McClain = 11 (W)
Reggie Wayne = 26 (L)
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Eagles = 0
Adam Vinatieri = 5 (L)

Total = 85

Jason

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Brian Westbrook = 0
Derrick Mason = 7 (W)
Vincent Jackson = 0 (W)
Bernard Berrian = 0
Visanthe Shiancoe = 0
Vikings = 1
David Akers = 8

Total = 33

Ben

Philip Rivers = 7 (W)
LDT = 8 (W)
Ronnie Brown = 11 (L)
Chris Chambers = 5 (W)
Mark Clayton = 1 (W)
Dallas Clark = 3 (L)
Ravens = 25 (W)
Nate Kaeding = 4 (W)

Total = 64

Andrew

Donovan McNabb = 1
Willis McGahee = 6 (W)
Joseph Addai = 12 (L)
Anthony Gonzalez = 9 (L)
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Anthony Fasano = 0 (L)
Jason Elam = 5 (L)

Total = 71
______________

Chris

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Michael Turner = 8 (L)
Adrian Peterson = 0
Ronnie Brown = 11 (L)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson = 0 (W)
Vicente Shiancoe = 0
Colts = 7 (L)

Total = 58

Jeff

Peyton Manning = 21 (L)
Joseph Addai = 12 (L)
LDT = 8 (W)
Le’Ron McClain = 11 (W)
Reggie Wayne = 26 (L)
Bernard Berrian = 0
Anthony Fasano = 0 (L)
Eagles = 0
David Akers = 8

Total = 86

Tony

Joe Flacco = 11 (W)
Willis McGahee = 6 (W)
Ricky Williams = 1 (L)
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Steve Breaston = 3 (W)
Dallas Clark = 3 (L)
Ryan Longwell = 0

Total = 40

Joel

Philip Rivers = 7 (W)
Brian Westbrook = 0
Correll Buckhalter = 2
Jerious Norwood = 3 (L)
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Derrick Mason = 7 (W)
David Martin = 1 (L)
Ravens = 25 (W)
Adam Vinatieri = 5 (L)

Total = 64

15:00

Take this for what it is worth (from yesterday): http://myespn.go.com/blogs/afcwest/0-3-1255/AFC-West-news-and-notes.html

“The Chiefs could be emerging as the favorites to land Pioli. The team is concentrating on him. Kansas City has other executives on its radar, but is focusing on Pioli.”

14:40

Did we ever find out if the Vikings game sold out or not? It seems full…

14:03

Ed Reed would have picked that pass off. First down Philly.

12:39

So much for Pat Williams being out. The Vikings are getting all kinds of pressure.

12:33

Fourth and inches leads to a punt. Here comes Peterson…

What is the deal with Dustin Colquitt punting for every team in the playoffs? Seriously, this is nuts. I will say that I am not looking forward to a 15 minute segment on ESPN about why the punting has been so good in these playoffs.

12:08

Wow. Tevaris Jackson sucks. Ed Reed DEFINITELY would have picked that off.

11:14

I kind of want to see Matt Cassel go to Minnesota. That would be a fun team to watch if they could get someone other than Gus Ferotte or Jackson QBing for them.

Think they’ll do a Tyler Thigpen for Jared Allen trade?

9:52

Chester Taylor is going nuts so far on the Vikings first possession.

9:01

I hate Joe Buck. I hate Joe Buck so much that I would listen to Phil Simms for hours on end for the rest of my life if it meant I never heard Joe Buck’s voice again.

8:22

DeSean Jackson with a great punt return to set up the Eagles nicely in Viking territory.

Ed Reed would taken it back…

7:31

Jared Allen with the “sack.” God I miss that guy… He was a fantastic long snapper.

6:49

McNabb pulls off an Eli Manning In The Super Bowl move and somehow avoids the sack. Only this time his pass was incomplete and Eagles were penalized for holding.

Akers hits the field goal and gives the Eagles the 3-0 lead.

I want to reiterate how excited I am that Fox will no longer be showing BCS games after this year. I hate Fox’ coverage of the BCS. However, I’m not looking forward to the ESPN overload that is going to come with this. Diversity is nice when the other people know what they are doing, which sadly is nobody right now. Maybe CBS. They have Gus Johnson – I love that guy.

I’ve always secretly (not really secretly…) that Gus was calling the NCAA Championship game last year when Chalmers hit that shot. That would have been an amazing call. Still, I’m not upset. CHAMPIONSHIP!

And note to Erik: National Championship >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>…> Big XII North Division Title

6:22

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Adrian Peterson is hurt.

5:56

Chester Taylor > Adrian Peterson … So far in this game that is.

5:13

A Bernard Berrian sighting. One offensive lineman was very pleased with this development and did a bit of jig to celebrate.

4:44

Tyler Thigpen > Tevaris Jackson

4:17

Matt Blundin > Tevaris Jackson

3:48
Marques Hagans > Tevaris Jackson
2:41

Vikings will punt – again. DeSean Jackson is preparing for another return, but the punt goes out of bounds at the 25. Clearly, Dustin Colquitt has chosen NOT to punt for the Vikings. Everybody else? Yes. Vikings? No. Why? Tevaris Jackson.

1:47

Correll Buckhalter has more rushing yards than Brian Westbrook and Adrian Peterson combine.

Correll Buckhalter = 27 yards
Peterson, Westbrook and Chester Taylor = 28 yards

Oh, and Buckhalter has just one carry. Figures.

:06

Vikings call a timeout to preserve time on the clock. Or something…

:02

Akers hits a field goal to make it 6-0. Fantasy!!!!!!!!!!!!! But not for me…

Ravens/Dolphins: 4th Quarter

2009-01-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

14:37

This game is over unless there is some kind of crazy momentum changes. Ed Hochuli is reffing the game…

14:08

How Devon Bess was not drafted last April is beyond me. I know the Chiefs could use him.

13:12

RONNIE BROWN!!! WHAT A CATCH!!! A catch that rivals Larry Fitzgerald’s one from yesterday. Maybe even more impressive because he’s a running back and it was one handed – but he wasn’t double-covered (or fucked) so…

The extra point is blocked. Figures. TWO POINTS FOR THE RAVENS DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS!

I’m pretty sure the 50-year-old couple in the Viagra commercial just had sex in the elevator. I’m now throwing up my Subway.

I just realized that Ed Reed has more fantasy points (10) than any other player on my team (Rivers has 7 and is the next highest). At least that was the situation until Ronnie Brown’s touchdown catch. I think Brown has 11 points now.

Yep, he does.

13:01

Joe Flacco just barely missed Mark Clayton on a deep pass. A touchdown there, or even just a completion, would have been the nail in the coffin in this game.

I also find it interesting that the Ravens were confident enough to have Flacco air it out in that situation.

12:09

For some reason the Ravens went deep on third and medium. I don’t understand that. Now the Dolphins get the ball back. Here comes another Ed Reed pick…

The Ravens defense is single handedly keeping me just out of reach of relevance in these fantasy playoffs. Thank you, Ed Reed.

11:52

Ed Reed ALMOST had his third interception. Geez that guy is everywhere!

11:38

David Martin has a 13-yard catch to provide one fantasy point. Well done. Ed Reed is better than you.

11:08

Pennington with another first down pass. The last time Pennington looked like he was on a roll he got picked off by Reed.

A touchdown by Miami would make this game very interesting.

9:22

I’m aware that Ricky Williams has been on some bad teams and was out of the league for a little while, but is this really only his second playoff game? That is surprising.

8:34

Ginn can’t get a hold of the handoff on the end-around. Now it’s third and 25. The third down pass is incomplete and the Dolphins have to punt. I think this pretty much ends the game unless the Ravens turn it over or have another quick three and out on this drive.

4:42

Willis McGahee with a long run to the Miami 5. Baring a turnover, the game is over with a touchdown here (if it’s not over already).

3:53

Joe Flacco scores on a quarterback draw. Game is over. Literally. They’ve stopped play and told everyone to go home.

2:00

Can the NFL please have more than just one NFL Shop commercial please? I get it, he’s a Packers fan. Next commercial, please.

1:17

Okay, so they’re doing the knee thing. I’ve got nothing else to say. I’ll be back for the afternoon game.

Ravens/Dolphins: 3rd Quarter

2009-01-04T12:15:00.001-08:00

So, I really want to see Baltimore play the Steelers now. That would be a fantastic game. Baltimore would have to beat Tennessee next week (assuming they win this week and the Steelers beat the Chargers) to set that matchup. The AFC is stacked with insane defense.

Point Totals Through the Third Quarter

Erik

Peyton Manning = 21 (L)
Michael Turner = 8 (L)
Adrian Peterson
Le’Ron McClain = 9
Reggie Wayne = 26 (L)
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Eagles
Adam Vinatieri = 5 (L)

Total = 83

Jason

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Brian Westbrook
Derrick Mason = 7
Vincent Jackson = 0 (W)
Bernard Berrian
Visanthe Shiancoe
Vikings
David Akers

Total = 23

Ben

Philip Rivers = 7 (W)
LDT = 8 (W)
Ronnie Brown = 4
Chris Chambers = 5 (W)
Mark Clayton = 1
Dallas Clark = 3 (L)
Ravens = 18
Nate Kaeding = 4 (W)

Total = 50

Andrew

Donovan McNabb
Willis McGahee = 0
Joseph Addai = 12 (L)
Anthony Gonzalez = 9 (L)
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Anthony Fasano = 0
Jason Elam = 5 (L)

Total = 64
______________

Chris

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Michael Turner = 8 (L)
Adrian Peterson
Ronnie Brown = 4
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson = 0 (W)
Vicente Shiancoe
Colts = 7 (L)

Total = 51

Jeff

Peyton Manning = 21 (L)
Joseph Addai = 12 (L)
LDT = 8 (W)
Le’Ron McClain = 9
Reggie Wayne = 26 (L)
Bernard Berrian
Anthony Fasano = 0
Eagles
David Akers

Total = 76

Tony

Joe Flacco =5
Willis McGahee = 0
Ricky Williams = 1
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Steve Breaston = 3 (W)
Dallas Clark = 3 (L)
Ryan Longwell

Total = 34

Joel

Philip Rivers = 7 (W)
Brian Westbrook
Correll Buckhalter
Jerious Norwood = 3 (L)
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Derrick Mason = 7
David Martin = 0
Ravens = 18
Adam Vinatieri = 5 (L)

Total = 54

15:00

Ronnie Brown just died. Nagta, or whatever his name is, just destroyed Ronnie Brown.

13:27

Fabian Washington picks off Chad Pennington. Two points for me! I’m still losing by 35…

The Ravens defense is good.

12:39

Joe Flacco can’t thrown on the run very well. This is followed by another incomplete pass to force a Ravens punt.

And the ball is downed at the one.

Prediction: Touchdown Ravens. Or a safety. One of the two.

12:11

Long running play gets the Dolphins out of safety range… for now.

11:30

Ricky Williams rolled out as if he were going to throw a pass only to tuck it and run. Sadly, that is really their best option at this point.

This is followed by another Pennington pass that is almost picked off. On the following play he is sacked and then throws and incompletion. The incompletion is followed by an end-around that is fumbled and recovered by Suggs. Ravens Defense: Brick Wall.

9:33

This Ravens defense looks alarmingly like the one that won the Super Bowl. The difference is this team has a rookie quarterback. I feel this will be their undoing at some point.

7:35

John McClain busts up the middle for a nine-yard touchdown run and the Ravens have a 20-3 lead. This is absolute domination by the Ravens for the last quarter and a half.

7:15

Ronnie Brown doubles his fantasy output with a 23-yard catch and run. He has done nothing in this game. The Ravens have been that good.

6:09

Chad Pennington avoids another sack and completes a first down pass to Ted Ginn Jr. Pennington follows that up with another completion to Ginn. The no huddle offense seems to have made a difference, as Pennington completes his third consecutive pass to Ginn. It is at this point I am asking myself, “Why didn’t I draft Ginn?”

3:21

Ginn makes another catch. Where has this been all day?

2:36

Good news for David Martin owners: He caught a pass. Bad news: He lost three yards. Worst news: You own David Martin.

1:52

ED REED!!! Reed makes another interception, but appears to have hurt his knee on the tackle (I don’t think knees are supposed to bend like that – you know, sideways). Still… TWO FANTASY POINTS FOR ME!!!

Ravens defense now has 18 fantasy points.

:00

The Ravens run the ball on a third and five. It appears they have no desire to throw the ball the rest of the game. Don’t blame them.

20-3 Ravens. Fourth quarter coming up…

Ravens/Dolphins: 2nd Quarter

2009-01-04T11:30:00.001-08:00

15:00

Ed Reed just picked off Joe Flacco. Sadly, he was out of bounds.

14:41

Flacco seems like he’s a half-a-second behind on his decision making. You can tell he’s still trying to adjust to the speed of the game.

Although he just threw a nice first down pass to Clayton.

13:01

Joe Flacco nearly throws an interception. The analysis from Phil Simms? “That wasn’t a good decision at all.” Really? I bet if the Dolphins would have made the interception, it would have been a “big play.” Just a hunch.

Baltimore punts and Miami will start from their own 20. I predict no one scores until early in the fourth quarter. This is going to be a long “middle game”, but should provide a good finish.

Or maybe not.

10:40

Cobbs is a great, “Catcher of the football.” He also, “Runs with a purpose.” This, folks, is analysis we need.

9:37

Did you know that the Dolphins were 1-15 last year? I didn’t know that. And with that, Baltimore picks off a pass and returns it to midfield. That was a big play. …

8:56

Points update:

Derrick Mason = 4
Le’Ron “John” McClain = 1
Ronnie Brown = 1
Joe Flacco = 3
Mark Clayton = 1
Willis McGahee = 0
Ricky Williams = 0
David Martin = 0

7:22

Ravens run the Wildcat. Ugh. Punt.

Excellent play by some guy I’ve never heard of to down the ball inside the 10. Dustin Colquitt is all over the place in these playoffs.

6:06

Hey, you know who is good? The Ravens defense. Geez.

4:49

I’ve been thinking about this and if Ed Hochuli’s unit really is the number one unit in the NFL by grade, does the NFL need some new refs?

Yes. The answer is yes.

3:32

Wildcat equals four(ish) yards. The is the best play of the day for the Wildcat. I really hate this formation, just incase you couldn’t tell.

Although, Donte Hall in his prime would have been awesome at this.

2:32

ED REED!!! TOUCHDOWN!!! FANTASY POINTS FOR ME!!! I’M LOSING BADLY, BUT I DON’T CARE!!! ED REED!!!

Ed Reed. Three playoff games, four picks. Note to self: Don’t throw anywhere near Ed Reed. Ever. Don’t try. Not worth it. Ed Reed is a touchdown machine… 11 career touchdowns? As a safety? Wow.

Ed Reed is God… At least until he screws something up.

2:23

Terrell Suggs with the sack. Now may be a good time to mention that Suggs is a free agent after the season.

2:00

Fantasy Point Update:

Ravens: 11 points
Highest Point Getter Minus The Ravens On Ben’s Team: Philip Rivers = 7

Ouch.

1:50

A failed screen attempt gives Baltimore a chance to add to their 10-3 lead. Dustin Colquitt with another insane punt and the Ravens will take over at their own 40.

1:25

Joe Flacco has all the time in the world. It looks like a Chiefs game with how terrible the Dolphins pass rush is.

:35

Derrick Mason with a long reception that is going to be reviewed. Should stand. Joe Flacco has a crazy strong arm.

And guess what, “This is a big play in this game.” Thank you, Phil Simms. Thank you.

:31

A curious draw call. It would seem to me you’d throw something over the middle or something like that on that play. Oh well.

:21

Flacco has to throw it away on a third down play, which leads to a Matt Stover field goal. 13-3 Ravens. And, “That was a big three points in a game like this.” Ugh. I’d like Simms better if he didn’t feel the need to comment on the obvious before giving legitimate analysis.

:09

Miami runs a play that ends up losing three yards. And that ends the half. Miami has gone 10 postseason quarters without a touchdown. I have a hard time seeing one coming on the offensive side with the way the Ravens are playing defense.

:00

Re-runs of “NCAA on CBS” commercials with the final line “And Kansas takes the title” is fantastic. Don’t you agree, Erik? Or did the one time you see them, Mario Chalmers got burned for a touchdown?

Ravens/Dolphins: 1st Quarter

2009-01-04T10:37:00.001-08:00

13:41

Flacco is officially better than Matt Ryan because he did not get his first pass picked off. You heard it here first folks: Flacco is better than Ryan.

13:11

“While watching this drive, I see no reason why Baltimore will lose this game.”

This is the sentence I had completed just before Baltimore fumbled the ball away to the Dolphins.

12:22

Just so you know, I just got back from Subway so post this quarter may be infrequent as I will be eating.

10:28

This week we learned former Bronco offensive tackle Matt Lepsis used to play games high on pot. Do you think Ricky Williams is high right now, or is that just a constant state for him at this point?

9:03

I’m not a big fan of Phil Sims. I know a lot of people are, but I have a hard time listening to him. It just something about his speech pattern and voice that makes me want to mute the TV. With that said, he is one of the better color analysts on TV.

8:18

Miami can’t convert of 3rd and goal and is forced to kick a field goal. Big stop by Baltimore. 3-0 Miami. It will be interesting to see if Baltimore decides to throw a little more on this drive or stick with the 95% run calls.

7:17

Ed Hochuli!!!

6:31

So, Le’Ron McClain appeared to be pointing to something while in his stance before the snap of the ball. Explain something to me McClain: Who the hell on your team is going to see you pointing at something when you are seven yards behind the line of scrimmage and the rest of the team has their backs to you? Just a question.

If you type “McClain” enough, it makes you want to watch “Die Hard.” It’s true. Try it.

4:16

Remember when Todd Heap was supposed to be better than Tony Gonzalez? Yep, that didn’t happen. Nice catch and run though to give Baltimore a first and goal from the 5.

2:47

Ravens can’t convert on three plays from the five yard line. Stove hits a field goal to tie the game at three.

Finally, a commercial break so I can finish my sandwich…

1:10

Hey Dolphins: Stop running the Wildcat. It’s not working.

Dolphins punt and the Ravens will take over from their own 25.

So far, I’ve been more impressed by Flacco in his playoff debut than Ryan. He seems more confident and deliberate in what he is doing early on. Although, that might have something to do with not throwing an interception on the first pass of the game. The Ravens need to add another receiver or two to help Flacco out this offseason.

:12

I swear I’ve seen McCain before, but I don’t remember where…

Colts/Chargers: 1st Quarter

2009-01-03T17:44:00.001-08:00

Pregame:
Erik

Peyton Manning
Michael Turner = 10 (L)
Reggie Wayne
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Adam Vinatieri

Total = 24

Jason

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson

Total = 16

Ben

Philip Rivers
LDT
Chris Chambers
Dallas Clark
Nate Kaeding

Andrew

Joseph Addai
Anthony Gonzalez
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Jason Elam = 5 (L)

Total = 43
______________

Chris

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Michael Turner = 10 (L)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson
Colts

Total = 42

Jeff

Peyton Manning
Joseph Addai
LDT
Reggie Wayne

Tony

Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Steve Breaston = 3 (W)
Dallas Clark

Total = 25

Joel

Philip Rivers
Jerious Norwood = 3 (W)
Roddy White = 14 (W)
Adam Vinatieri

Total = 17

Fantastic. I hate my life.

In other news, listening to Jerome Bettis and Matt Millen is difficult. VERY difficult.

NBC’s Monster 3D Event thingy = Why nobody watches NBC (except for The Office and Heroes). Seriously, Keith and Dan couldn’t contain their sarcasm about how ridiculous this is. This is why I illegally download things. I have no problems stealing from stupid people.

I hate Faith Hill.

And with that: GO PHILIP RIVERS!!!!

15:00

Football players in pads and helmet riding stationary bikes look funny. I can sense Darren Sproles having a huge game. Colts will win though. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here comes LDT………

14:45

LDT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, every time he gets hit I think about his groin… That sounds gay. There are going to be a lot of groin jokes in the game.

13:30

As long as Vincent Jackson doesn’t touch the ball, I’ll be okay. I swear to God I’ll be okay…

12:37

I’d really appreciate it if the SD o-line would block. Bastardos. Chargers punt, Colts ball. COME ON DALLAS CLARK!!!

12:07

Peyton Manning completed 81.8% of his passes in December. Holy shit.

11:48

I’d really appreciate it if anybody associated with Andrew’s fantasy team sucked. No more Anthony Gonzalez, please.

10:32

Where’s Ed Hochuli?

9:49

Manning had Wayne WIDE open for a touchdown, but Wayne was expecting the ball to be somewhere else. Whew….

This is followed by a Wayne drop, which led to a Colts punt. COME ON LDT!!! OR RIVERS!!! OR CHAMBERS!!!

8:37

Three and out for San Diego. Damn Norv Turner.

Additionally, it appears Dustin Colquitt has been traded to San Diego. Crazy punts.

7:57

A Dallas Clark sighting. I would have appreciated it if that was a 85 yard touchdown.

And freaking Anthony Gonzalez…

4:37

I hate Andrew. I hate Anthony Gonzalez. I think now would be a good time to mention that I drafted Gonzalez in September. Ugh.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand he just caught another pass at the three yard line.

2:59

Touchdown Addai. 7-0 Colts. Six points for Andrew. I’m going to go kill myself.

Suicide Option #1: Use barbwire as a noose, superglue my hands to my head and hang myself. Hopefully my head would have been cut off so it would look like I ripped my own head off. That’s really how I feel right now: I want to rip my head off.

Damn you Colts. Damn you Andrew. Damn you fantasy football.

I really cannot live in a world where Andrew has the fantasy baseball championship and back-to-back football champion. I just can’t live in there, I just can’t.

2:18

Ugh. Philip Rivers misses a wide open receiver, followed by a penalty followed by my plotting of the murder of Norv Turner.

1:59

Darren Sproles is good. He’s so little!

:07

Philip Rivers completed 3 passes for 19 yards in that quarter. 19 yards. Ugh. NEXT QUARTER, PLEASE!

Note: I'm going to take the next two quarters off. I'll be back for the fourth quarter.

Falcons/Cardinals: 4th Quarter

2009-01-03T16:39:00.000-08:00

15:00

Fitz and Boldin managed zero catches in the third quarter. Thank God!

Michael Turner is averaging 2.3 yards per carry, but has four more fantasy points than Edge. Woe the cruelty of fantasy football.

12:44

Nothing doing for Arizona and they punt. Atlanta is penalized for holding so they are now in the negative 23 yard line.

The only scenario in which I see Atlanta winning is if Ryan manages to age three years in the next four seconds to gain the poise needed to lead the Falcons to a comeback win. I don’t see that happening.

If my nickname was Matty Ice, I’d Plax myself.

12:37

Ryan sacked for a safety. Arizona is penalized for being happy. A little too happy. A little homoerotic. I’m pretty sure all of the Arizona defensive linemen are gay. Especially the one who was trying to have anal sex with his teammate.

So, all of these Unrated/Unedited/Extended versions of movies that are always advertised are never as “racy” as the commercials and the name would suggest. I say this because I’m pretty sure there will be nothing new in the Babylon A.D. movie they just advertised. However, I’ll never know because I don’t plan on watching it. Life’s mysteries…

11:39

Edgerin. James. Sheesh.

9:16

I really hope the tendon LDT tore is not important to him being good. Although, anything attached to the pelvic bone seems important.

“Playoffs?!?!?!?!?!? Playoffs?!?!?! Don’t talk about – playoffs?!?!?!”

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss – Coors commercials rule! Except for, of course, the Bud Light commercials where the dude can draw in thin air. That’s pretty awesome.

7:20

I think what we’ve learned to day is: Matt Ryan’s brother hates his him for not dying/getting seriously injured in a car accident.

6:30

Jerious Norwood becomes fantasy relevant with a 30 yard catch and run. Good for him………….

4:15

Matt Ryan throws a touchdown pass to Roddy White (damnit) to pull within 6, 30-24. Mike Ryan is not impressed.

4:10

Has ever heard of the “Four Minute Offense” before?

3:03

The Falcons secondary sucks.

2:17

Looks like the Falcons are going to get the ball back. I hope they win. I sure as hell hope this game doesn’t go to overtime.

2:09

Not happening. A huge first down by the Cardinals. The Falcons defense is terrible. I guess we know what they will be doing in the draft and free agency…

So, with that said, it’s Colts/Chargers time. A far more entertaining game for me since all five of my Saturday starters are in this game. I project I will gain 3 points. Damn LDT…

:00

K. Warner = 16
L. Fitzgerald = 22
A. Boldin = 16
M. Turner = 10
R. White = 14
J. Norwood = 3
J. Elam = 5

Falcons/Cardinals: 3rd Quarter

2009-01-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

Scoring update:

K. Warner = 12
A. Boldin = 16
L. Fitzgerald = 14
M. Turner = 10
R. White = 7
J. Elam = 5
J. Norwood = 0

Now would be an excellent time to mention that Matt Millen is as terrible of an analyst as he is a GM. Wow.

Oh, and I definitely heard Tony Dungy says he wants to get hands on with boys. Yep, defiantly heard him say that.

Two big plays are killing the Falcons. Let’s see if they can hold on…

15:00

Tiki Barber should be shot. I cannot stand that man. No reason. Just can’t stand him.

14:08

I think Michael Turner just threw a touchdown pass to Antrelle Rolle. Seriously, I think he just did. At any rate, they rule it a “fumble” and the Cardinals are up 21-17. I guess it didn’t take long for another big play…

I would be far more pumped for the new Underworld movie in Cate Beckinsale was in it. She’s not, therefore I could care less about this movie. The power of hot chicks.

14:03

LDT says he’s going to play. I project he caries the ball 4 time for 2 yards and then is done for the day. Son of a bitch…

13:03

Now would be a good time for one of those patented Mike Vick 95-yard touchdown runs.

12:47

Fantastic series of events: Falcons punt, Steve Breston attempts to catch the ball, but is absolutely destroyed by Random Falcon Special Teamer. Breston, after confirming there was a flag for catch interference, immediately stands up, stares down RFST and begins clapping in his face. This all after I was positive Breston had lost his life. Got to love playoff football.

12:34

This is the best I’ve seen Edge since he was wearing a Colts uniform, and that’s sad.

12:02

Fitzgerald can’t make an impossible one-handed grab. He sucks. I expected more.

11:59

Falcons get away with holding/pass interference leading to a missed field goal by Neil Rackers. 21-17 Cardinals.

Now would be a good time to mention that I’m incredibly annoyed by Verison commercials. Could someone other than Verison, GEICO, car manufacturers or Southwest Airlines please buy some advertising space please.

30 Rock = Fantastic show. You should watch it.

10:31

This is the longest five minutes of a quarter ever. Geez…

9:07

Did Chris Collinsworth really just argue that Pat Tillman should be in the Hall of Fame because he got killed overseas? Really? I mean, I agree what he did was a selfless thing and should be honored, but is the Hall of Fame really where he should be? Let’s say he didn’t get killed and he came back and played football. Would you be clamoring for his HOF induction then? The guy was a terrible player – at least I’m assuming he was since he played for the Cardinals – put him somewhere other than the HOF.

7:16

I’m pretty sure Kurt Warner has run for as many first downs as Michael Turner. Oh, and Edgerin James is doing well in his audition for the other 31 NFL teams he’d like to save him from Arizona. I hope he goes to Detroit.

2:48

Hightower steals a touchdown from Edge. It looks like Edge is going to have at least one more game in a Cardinal uniform. 28-17.

Let’s talk Kurt Warner for a second. This man has to be the most confusing, unpredictable player in the history of the NFL. Seriously, Arena Football League to Super Bowl MVP to bench fodder for the Giants to splitting starts with a Heisman Trophy winner to near MVP of the league this season. I could easily see this guy throwing five interceptions next week.

2:40

Rogers-Cromartie with the INT. This game is getting silly.

By the way, I believe I saw a graphic that said Rogers-Cromartie was tied with one Aquib Talib for the most interceptions by a rookie this season. So much for Talib being a bust. But I bet he gave up a touchdown once so he sucks…

:00

Longest. Quarter. Ever.

Falcons/Cardinals: 2nd Quarter

2009-01-03T15:02:00.000-08:00

15:00

Turner doubles his rushing total with a 13-yard carry. Has an adjustment been made???

14:14

Jenkins makes a fist down catch for consecutive first downs for the Falcons. I’m now anticipating a Matt Ryan interception…

13:04

No interception yet. It’s going to happen…

12:29

No interception, but No Name Cardinals secondary player just killed someone. Huge hit.

11:49

How much of an uproar will there be if Ed Hochuli worked the Super Bowl? I really hope he’s doing tonight’s Chargers game…

10:03

You know those Coors commercials where they cut and splice former press conferences? When are they going to get the Mike Gundy meltdown in there? What about Jim Mora’s “playoffs?!?!”? Where are the classics is all I’m saying.

10:00

Jason Elam hits a field goal to make it 7-3. There goes the shutout for whoever played the Arizona DEF/ST.

Key Players Scoring Update:

M. Turner = 2
R. White = 2
K. Warner = 7
L. Fitzgerald = 13
A. Boldin = 0

9:43

Anquan Boldin finally made a catch. Andrew doesn’t care. Larry Fitzgerald, bitch.

8:58

71 yards. Anquan Boldin. Touchdown. Larry Anquan Boldin Fitzgerald, bitch. (And Kurt Warner, too!)

Kurt Warner – on a weak five-of-12 passing – now has 14 points. (Chris and Jason)

Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin each have 13 points. Andrew has both of them. (Chris has Boldin, Tony has Fitzgerald.)

Now that I think about it, I left out the 40- and 50-plus yard touchdown bonus.

So make that 14 points for Fitz and 16 points for Boldin.

Damnit.

7:46

Alright, so now that Roddy White is dropping wide open passes and the Falcons look to have the collective “Tennessee Face” going on for them, lets now move on to the next game. Whatever we can do to keep Andrew from getting more points.

7:29

Fantastic catch by Jenkins to keep the drive alive for the Falcons. The Falcons must score a touchdown here to keep this game within range.

6:45

The Falcons have waived the white flag by handing the ball off to Turner. He has NOWHERE to go.

5:56

Ryan makes a clutch third down throw to Roddy White (who actually caught this one) to keep the drive alive again. This is followed by another first down. Matt Ryan has a much stronger arm than I remember him having in college.

4:24

I feel like I’m watching the Alabama/Utah game right now.

Additional thought: Now knowing that the Lions went 0-16 and had one of the worst secondary’s in NFL history, should that actually make Matt Ryan’s first pass for a touchdown less impressive? Or should we have seen the Lions’ woes much sooner?

2:55

Michael Turner overcomes his bust status with a touchdown. Chris and Erik celebrate. Bastards.

The Cardinals have just one timeout and 2:55 to get into scoring range from their own 20. Good thing they don’t have a passing game…

2:35

Anquan Boldin is a woman. He has “cramps”. Pussy. Run it off, bitch. God, I hate Andrew right now…

2:10

PICKED OFF!!! Jebus Jackson???? I swear I just heard the announcer guy say “Jebus” picked off the pass. Fantastic name. With all of that said, that was a terrible set of play calling by Arizona. They deserved to have the pass picked off.

2:00

It’s the two-minute warning and you know what that means: THE NINTETH RUNNING OF THAT REALLY ANNOYING GEICO COMMERCIAL!!!! Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Has there ever been a phone name that best described annoying teenage girls like “Rant”? I’m now ready for the “Shut the Fuck Up” phone to come out.

Norv Turner expects LDT to play. FUCK, I FORGOT NORV TURNER COACHED THE CHARGERS!!! I’m screwed.

1:18

Arizona is having issues with premature penetration… That’s what she said.

:27

Roddy White is getting destroyed in this game.

A play-action pass for a touchdown (17-14) gives Atlanta the lead and all of a sudden Matt Ryan has a lead going into the second half. Arizona has no business being in this position. I guess this is why they are Arizona…

:09

I really wish I drafted Darren Sproles.

I now need to go hide so I don’t poison my mind with Matt Millen “wisdom”.

Falcons/Cardinals: 1st Quarter

2009-01-03T14:16:00.001-08:00

Pregame thoughts: What the hell is Matt Millen doing on NBC’s pregame coverage? Out of all of the dismissed general managers, he was the best one they could come up with? This explains a lot about NBC.

Thank God Chris Collinsworth is doing the first game of the playoff double-header. I was concerned is was going to be Rod Marinelli or something. Part of me wishes Collinsworth was doing the late game so I didn’t have to listen to John Madden during the game I cared about most. Oh well: Win some, lose some.

I’m waiting for Kurt Warner’s wife to randomly appear during the pregame…

Players of Note:
Michael Turner
Kurt Warner
Larry Fitzgerald
Roddy White

15:00

This is the part where I hope Michael Turner tears some tendon connected to his pelvic bone…

14:47

You know there is a small part of you that hopes Kurt Warner gets hurt and Matt Leinart has to find a way to lead his team to victory. The world needs a mediocre Matt Leinart starting NFL games.

13:50

After one play, Matt Ryan has more rushing yards than Michael Turner. Turner = Bust.

Michael Turner had 376 carries this season. You’d have to expect some kind of Larry Johnson syndrome next season, right?

12:32

Matt Ryan is picked off by a random Cardinal (I wasn’t paying attention to who it was). This is good news for the team who started the Arizona defense…

Ralph Brown made the pick. Chris Collinsworth tells me he’s been in the league for 9 years. Somehow, I don’t believe him since I don’t even remember the guy being on Madden.

11:42

Edgerin James is running the ball like he wants out of Arizona.

James + Motivation = Atlanta loss.

10:28

Warner + Flea Flicker + Sick Catch by Larry Fitzgerald = 7-0 Cardinals

Andrew and Tony each received 10 points on the play. Jason and Chris received 5. Seems cruel, doesn’t it?

What a catch by Fitzgerald though. And he was all kinds of double-fucked on the play. The Falcons didn’t bite on the flea flicker and the ball was slightly overthrown. What a catch…

10:25

I’m really glad I don’t have to watch NBC football for the next eight-plus months after today.

9:49

Does University of Pheonix Stadium have discounts specifically for University of Pheonix students for Cardinals games?

8:46

Roddy White makes his first catch. The Falcons get their first first down. Erik and Joel get their first points.

8:15

Arizona’s strategy is clear: Leave no one in pass coverage. They are baiting the Falcons rookie quarterback into throwing the ball. And when he doesn’t, there is literally nine guys in the backfield waiting for Michael Turner. Lot of pressure on Ryan.

Next play: Ryan is sacked.

7:52

Note to self: Do not buy TurboTax because of their creepy commercial.

7:07

NBC’s “raw” intro commentary from Tiki Barber isn’t working for me. Someone please shut that man up.

6:21

Larry Fitzgerald is Jesus.

5:46

And so is Edgerin James.

4:56

J.J. Arrington is not Jesus.

4:37

Anquan Boldin drops a pass and forces the Cardinals to punt. The punt is downed at the five yard-line. I suspect nothing good happens from this ensuing Falcons drive.

4:05

Hey! Turner gained a yard!!! (Three actually.)

3:30

Minus Rogers-Cromartie, I have no idea who any of these people are that are playing in the Cardinals secondary. Yet, as Ryan gets sacked again, they seem to be the most amazing defensive backs ever to play the game. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Arizona Cardinals are going to have more playoff wins this decade than the Kansas City Chiefs. Ugh.

3:20

I’m trying to come up with a scenario where I’d want the Chiefs to sign Kurt Warner to a one-year deal next season. I can’t come up with one.

(Note: Immediately after I wrote this he almost had a pass picked off and returned for a touchdown.)

2:31

Arizona punts, dude foolishly catches the punt inside the 10, dude gets murdered at the eight yard-line.

2:26

Turner, two yards.

Bust.

(But, apparently, so is LDT. Damnit.)

1:57

Roddy makes another catch. Yippee. Turner gains nothing on the ensuing play. What a terrible first half for the Falcons offense. They are going to need some kind of defensive touchdown or play that puts them close to the endzone if they are going to have any chance of scoring.

:00

The first quarter is over – that was fast. Larry Fitzgerald’s catch was still freaking amazing.

Oh, and have I mentioned that Sheron Collins is Basketball Jesus?

Championship: Week One Projections

2009-01-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

Erik's Roster
Peyton Manning - 265
Adrian Peterson - 289
Willie Parker - 124
Le'Ron McClain - 165
Reggie Wayne - 168
Roddy White - 213
Michael Turner - 318
Steve Smith - 218
Brandon Jacobs - 210
Eli Manning - 194
Santonio Holmes - 105
Kevin Boss - 69
Justin Gage - 108
PHI DEF/ST - 182
IND DEF/ST - 133
Adam Vinatieri - 88

Total = 2849

Wild Card Week Lineup (projected team result)
QB – Peyton Manning = 17 (W)
RB – Adrian Peterson = 22 (L)
RB – Michael Turner = 14 (L)
Flex – Le’Ron McClain = 6 (W)
WR – Reggie Wayne = 21 (W)
WR – Roddy White = 15 (L)
TE – N/A
DEF/ST – Eagles = 7 (W)
K – Adam Vinatieri = 9 (W)

Projected Total = 111

Thoughts: The playoffs are Erik’s to lose. A scenario Erik does want to avoid is if Indy, Minnesota and Atlanta all lose this week. This would put the rest of the playoffs in the hands Willie Parker and Brandon Jacobs, who are both coming off of injuries. It would also leave Eli Manning as his quarterback, which is very uninspiring fantasy wise. Still, this is Erik’s championship to lose.

Jason's Roster
DeAngelo Williams - 321
Brian Westbrook - 225
Vincent Jackson - 167
David Akers - 118
Giants DEF/ST - 132
Kurt Warner - 295
Chris Johnson - 218
Hines Ward - 159
Bernard Berrian - 169
Visanthe Shiancoe - 100
Derrick Mason - 138
Mewelde Moore - 121
Ben Roethlisberger - 183
MIN DEF/ST - 133
Bo Scaife - 64
John Carney - 113

Total = 2656

Wild Card Week Lineup
QB – Kurt Warner = 23 (W)
RB – Brian Westbrook = 14 (W)
RB – N/A
Flex – Derrick Mason = 6 (W)
WR – Vincent Jackson = 6 (L)
WR – Bernard Berrian = 4 (L)
TE – Visanthe Shiancoe = 3 (L)
DEF/ST – Vikings = 6 (L)
K – David Akers = 8 (W)

Projected Total = 70

Thoughts: Jason is clearly banking on DeAngelo Williams, Brian Westbrook and Kurt Warner advancing in the playoffs and dominating. Two of those three guys need to be alive in the NFC championship game (which is not a long shot for Philly and Carolina) in order to have any shot at beating Erik. Jason really has nothing on his roster if both Westbrook and Warner lose this week. Ben Roethlisberger is coming off a concussion, Chris Johnson doesn’t get goal line carries and Jason has nothing in terms of wide receivers. Still, DeAngelo Williams and Brian Westbrook are scary propositions, and two weeks of Kurt Warner could be enough to put him over the top a win a championship.

Ben's Roster
Phillip Rivers - 294
Dallas Clark - 122
Rod Bironas - 112
Joe Flacco - 170
Derrick Ward - 156
Chad Pennington - 219
LaDanian Tomlinson - 223
Ronnie Brown - 182
BAL DEF/ST - 197
LenDale White - 170
Antonio Gates - 109
Jake Delhomme - 166
Mark Clayton - 116
TEN DEF/ST - 181
Chris Chambers - 74
Nate Kaeding - 101

Total = 2592

Wild Card Week Lineup
QB – Phillip Rivers = 19 (L)
RB – LaDanian Tomlinson = 15 (L)
RB – Ronnie Brown = 4 (L)
Flex – N/A
WR – Chris Chambers = 4 (L)
WR – Mark Clayton = 3 (W)
TE – Dallas Clark = 13 (W)
DEF/ST – Ravens = 7 (W)
K –Nate Kaeding = 6 (L)

Projected Total = 71

Thoughts: Ben went with a diversity approach to compensate for his weak keeper prospects. He has four quarterbacks, four running backs on separate teams, will have a defense and kicker in the first and second round at least. With this said, Ben really needs San Diego to beat the Colts. All of his top end talent is on the Chargers and two weeks of that is going to be necessary if he wants any shot at winning the championship.

Andrew's Roster
Jonathan Stewart - 147
Larry Fitzgerald - 251
Anthony Fasano - 80
PIT DEF/ST - 181
Jason Elam - 111
Donovan McNabb - 246
Anquan Boldin - 181
DeSean Jackson - 120
Willis McGahee - 127
Joseph Addai - 115
Mushin Muhammad - 119
Anthony Gonzalez - 87
Heath Miller - 62
Armani Toomer - 76
Kerry Collins - 138
Correll Buckhalter – 84

Total = 2125

Projected Wild Card Week Lineup
QB – Donovan McNabb = 12 (W)
RB – Willis McGahee = 3 (W)
RB – Joseph Addai = 5 (W)
Flex – Anthony Gonzalez = 4 (W)
WR – Larry Fitzgerald = 15 (W)
WR – Anquan Boldin = 15 (W)
TE – Anthony Fasano = 2 (L)
DEF/ST – N/A
K – Jason Elam = 7 (L)

Projected Total = 63

Thoughts: Andrew had a terrible backend draft in terms of guys who were effective in the regular season. With this said, these are the guys needed to have any shot at padding your point total late in the playoffs. He really needs the Cardinals and Eagles to win this week in order to keep the three most valuable players on his roster. Things don’t look good for Andrew, but crazier things have happened.

The Race for #1…

Chris' Roster
Kurt Warner - 295
Michael Turner - 318
Ronnie Brown - 182
Antonio Gates - 109
Colts DEF/ST - 133
Anquan Boldin - 181
DeAngelo Williams - 321
Adrian Peterson - 289
Ben Roethlisberger - 183
Vincent Jackson - 167
Santonio Holmes - 105
Giants DEF/ST - 132
Vicente Shiancoe - 100
Jeff Reed - 97
Mark Clayton - 116
Jake Delhomme – 166

Total = 2894

Wild Card Week Lineup
QB – Kurt Warner = 23 (W)
RB - Adrian Peterson = 22 (L)
RB - Michael Turner = 14 (L)
RB/WR - Ronnie Brown = 4 (L)
WR - Anquan Boldin = 15 (W)
WR - Vincent Jackson = 6 (L)
TE - Vicente Shiancoe = 3 (L)
DEF/ST - Colts = 6 (W)
K – N/A

Projected Total = 93

Thoughts: The number one overall pick, in my opinion, will come down to Chris and Jeff. If Adrian Peterson gets to the second round, the number one pick is almost certainly his. If the Vikings lose, everything is fair game.

Jeff's Roster
LaDainian Tomlinson - 223
Steve Smith - 218
Titans D/ST - 181
Chris Johnson - 218
Joseph Addai - 115
Dominic Rhodes - 130
Peyton Manning - 265
Chad Pennington - 219
Le'Ron McClain - 165
Reggie Wayne - 168
Domenik Hixon - 76
Todd Heap - 49
Bernard Berrian - 169
Anthony Fasano - 80
Eagles DEF/ST - 182
David Akers - 118
John Carney - 113

Total = 2689

Wild Card Week Lineup
QB - Peyton Manning = 17 (W)
RB - Joseph Addai = 5 (W)
RB - LaDainian Tomlinson = 15 (L)
RB/WR - Le'Ron McClain = 6 (W)
WR - Reggie Wayne = 21 (W)
WR – Bernard Berrian = 4 (L)
TE - Anthony Fasano = 2 (L)
D/ST - Eagles = 7 (W)
K - David Akers = 8 (W)

Projected Total = 85

Thoughts: The Colts is to Jeff what the Vikings are to Chris. The Colts need to take care of business to keep Jeff in the hunt.

Tony's Roster
Brandon Jacobs - 210
Hines Ward - 159
Eli Manning - 194
Willis McGahee - 127
John Kasay - 113
Kevin Boss - 69
Larry Fitzgerald - 251
Steelers DEF/ST - 181
Dallas Clark - 122
Joe Flacco - 170
Rickey Williams - 110
Steve Breston - 127
Darren Sproles - 103
Chester Taylor - 102
Bo Scaife - 64
Ryan Longwell - 117

Total = 2219

Wild Card Week Lineup
QB – Joe Flacco = 10 (W)
RB – Willis McGahee = 3 (W)
RB – Ricky Williams = 2 (L)
RB/WR – Larry Fitzgerald = 15 (W)
WR – N/A
WR – Steve Breaston = 5 (W)
TE – Dallas Clark = 13 (W)
DEF – N/A
K – Ryan Longwell = 8 (L)

Projected Total = 56

Thoughts: Tony is going to have to rely on playing more games than anyone else to win the number one pick. Brandon Jacobs and Larry Fitzgerald are the closest things he has to a home run hitter on his team, but neither are of the quality of DeAngelo Williams or Adrian Peterson. Tony's got a long road to the number one pick.

Joel's Roster
Ravens DEF/ST - 197
Donovan McNabb - 246
Jerious Norwood - 108
LenDale White - 170
Philip Rivers - 294
Brian Westbrook - 225
Mewelde Moore - 121
Roddy White - 213
Derrick Mason - 138
Heath Miller - 62
David Martin - 60
Correll Buckhalter - 84
Dolphins DEF/ST - 124
Matt Stover - 94
Adam Vinatieri - 88
Anthony Gonzalez - 87

Total = 2311

Wild Card Week Lineup
QB -Philip Rivers = 19 (W)
RB – Brian Westbrook = 14 (W)
RB – Correll Buckhalter = 1 (W)
RB/WR - Jarious Norwood = 2 (L)
WR - Roddy White = 15 (L)
WR – Derrick Mason = 6 (W)
TE - David Martin = 2 (L)
DEF/ST - Ravens = 7 (W)
K – Adam Vinatieri = 9 (W)

Projected Total = 75

Thoughts: Joel is like Tony except for that Brian Westbrook is probabaly a better home run hitter that Brandon Jacobs. Overall, I give him a better shot to win the number one pick that Tony, but I think its going to be tough for him to overcome Chris and Jeff.

Season Review Part I: The Draft

2009-01-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

Note: This post looks Posnanski-like, but it is actually fairly short. Most of it is everyone’s draft and lists that take six seconds to read, so don’t freak out.

With the fantasy season over, I thought it would be interesting to breakdown each individual team’s draft and then rank them. While doing this, I was surprised to see who had successful drafts and how that related to each individual team’s season.

What I did was add up the total points scored by each team as if transactions were not allowed and we were all stuck with what we drafted. It should be noted that I did not adjust the scoring for bye weeks or for matchups so that the management equation would be eliminated.

So let’s start with the worst statistical draft and work our way up.

Glossery:
Total Roster Points (TRP) = Starters + Bench points
Total Roster Points Minus Keepers (TRPK) = Total roster points minus keeper points
Total Starter Points (TSP) = Total points of best starting lineup
Total Bench Points (TBP) = Total points of players who were not included in the starting lineup
Total Keeper Points (TKP) = Total points from selected keepers
Actual Fantasy Points (AFP) = Fantasy points scored in the real regular season
Difference = Point differential between draft starting lineup and actual fantasy points scored during the regular season (Note: It should be remembered that trades and free agent pickups are included in the actual points.)

8) Chris Wessley (7th Overall Pick)
TRP – 1815
TRPK – 1589
TSP – 1472
TBP – 343
TKP - 226
AFP – 1670
Difference – (+198)

Preseason Prediction: Misses the playoffs and will win the consolation bracket.

What I Said in September: “Chris showed up to the draft, but he really didn’t need to until round three as he kept LDT and Tom Brady. But after looking at his draft, it appears that he really wasn’t all there until round 10 when he took Jeremy Shockey. He then took another two rounds off before taking DeShawn Jackson and then promptly left the draft…Michael Turner has no business going in the third round and I think will prove to be a bust and was the biggest reach of the draft. Chad Ocho Cinco is going to have a down season this year, which I think will prove to be his last in Cincinnati…I’m also not sold on Tom Brady as a dominate fantasy player this year…”

Thoughts: I was surprised Chris came away with the worst draft. Granted, I knew he would get hard by the Brady injury, but it didn’t really occur to me how bad his draft was. Seven of his draftees scored less than 85 fantasy points. He had far too many “busts” than “booms”, but, as will be discussed in Part II of the season review, I think this proves more positive things for Chris than negative.

I still think the Turner pick was a bad one. Granted, I was wrong about his production (VERY wrong), but I think Turner could have been had later in the draft by at least two rounds. Turner would be a far greater keeper prospect in the 5th or 6th round than in the third. With that said, Chris did land a great player in Turner – a player I completely whiffed on – and will serve a solid keeper prospect for him next season.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Ladanian Tomlinson (1) – 223*
2nd – Tom Brady (1) – 3
3rd – Michael Turner – 318*
4th – Chad Johnson – 71
5th – Antonio Gates – 109*
6th – Anquan Boldin – 181*
7th – Fred Taylor – 63
8th – Dwayne Bowe – 146*
9th – Seattle D/ST – 84*
10th – Selvin Young – 29
Jeremy Shockey – 39
11th – Ronnie Brown – 182*
12th – Marc Bulger – 122*
13th – DeShawn Jackson – 120
14th – Donte Stallworth – 18
15th – Mason Crosby – 107*
16th – Pick Traded

7) Joel Schilb (1st overall pick)
TRP – 1997
TRPK – 1666
TSP – 1424
TBP – 573
TKP – 331
AFP – 1395
Difference – (-29)

Preseason Prediction: 4th Seed in Championship Playoffs

What I Said in September: “Joel was kind enough to not show up to the draft. How gay of him. And being the bastard he is, he used the “Brian Winckler Method” of not showing up to the draft while having the number one overall pick and coming away with a solid team. I. Hate. You. Really, I do.”

Thoughts: A healthy Tom Brady sends Joel to the worst draft in the league. But Brady wasn’t healthy and Joel ranks comfortably ahead of Chris. Rounds seven through fourteen literally produced nothing for Joel. Welker suffered from lack of redzone targets, otherwise he would have been a top half keeper, the Baltimore pick was a good one in round sixteen, but otherwise Joel pretty much skipped out of the draft after the Thomas Jones pick. Serves him right for not showing up to the draft.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Joseph Addai – 115
2nd – Maurice Jones-Drew – 219*
3rd – Marques Colston – 120*
4th – Thomas Jones – 253*
5th – Brett Favre – 180
6th – Jerricho Cotchery – 120*
7th – Chris Cooley – 84*
8th – Andre Hall – 10
9th – Justin Fargas – 90
10th – Traded Pick
11th – Ben Roethlisberger (1) – 183*
12th – Jerious Norwood – 108
13th – Benjamin Watson – 27
14th – Ahmad Bradshaw – 43
15th – Wes Welker (1) – 148*
16th – Neil Rackers – 100*
Baltimore D/ST – 197*

6) Jason Willey (2nd overall pick)
TRP – 2000
TRPK - 1540
TSP – 1542
TBP – 458
TKP – 460
AFP – 1660
Difference – (+118)

Preseason Prediction: Will finish second in the consolation playoffs.

What I Said in September: “While Terrell Owens is the more likely wide receiver between Randy Moss and himself to repeat last seasons success, and Brian Westbrook will be the best running back in fantasy this season (mark my words Chris, because I know you already are), Jason simply lacks any depth. Clinton Portis is a liability in the backfield and Derek Anderson is setup for a sophomore slump (so that he can be released and signed by the Chiefs this offseason). Torry Holt is nine billion years old (I think) and Jason has almost no one of value to bring off the bench.”

Thoughts: Jason had two good picks, DeAngelo Williams in the 12th round and Tony Gonzalez in the 6th, and had two excellent keepers. Aside from four guys, Jason had nothing. Aside from Owens 200-yard game, he was bust as a first round pick. Rounds four through 16 produced three starters (Gonzalez, Williams and Santana Moss). Over 57-percent of his season’s fantasy points came from his three backs and tight end. While I have not calculated it yet, I assume Jason is going to rank very high in the Luck Factor. With that said, kudos to him for getting Williams in the 12th round.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Terrell Owens – 180*
2nd – Brian Westbrook (1) – 225*
3rd – Clinton Portis (1) – 235*
4th – Derek Anderson – 88*
5th – Torry Holt – 92
6th – Tony Gonzalez – 173*
7th – San Diego D/ST – 97*
8th – Santana Moss – 160*
9th – Shayne Graham – 63*
10th – Jon Kitna – 37
11th – Kenny Watson – 3
12th – DeAngelo Williams – 321*
13th – Ted Ginn Jr. – 107
14th – Ricky Williams – 110
15th – Sidney Rice – 33
16th – Amani Toomer – 76

5) Tony Allen (3rd overall pick)
TRP – 2195
TRPK – 1977
TSP – 1474
TBP – 721
TKP – 218
AFP – 1614
Difference – (+140)

Preseason Prediction: Will lose in first round of the consolation playoffs.

What I Said in September: “Brandon Jacobs in the fourth round? Steven Jackson as the third overall? Kevin Boss? Outside of Reggie Wayne, you have no one to play the other WR spot… The good news is I think Matt Hasselbeck and Hines Ward will each have excellent seasons. I also have wet dreams about the Minnesota defense (I need better wet dreams). Additionally, Aaron Rogers could potentially be a huge keeper steal (sixteenth round) when looking back at the draft at the end of the season.”

Thoughts: Tony lacked a top end player in the top half of his draft. None of his top eight draft picks scored over 250 points and only one cracked 200. His shrewd pickup of Aaron Rogers in the 16th round saved his season in terms of keeping him in the playoff hunt until the last week of the season. His 7-9-1 record is a perfect reflection of his draft.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Steven Jackson – 198*
2nd – Larry Johnson – 135*
3rd – Reggie Wayne (1) – 168*
4th – Brandon Jacobs – 210*
5th – Matt Hasselbeck (1) – 50
6th – Eli Manning – 194
7th – Hines Ward – 159*
8th – Lavernaues Coles – 126
9th – Minnesota D/ST – 133*
10th – Kevin Boss – 69
11th – Nick Folk – 96*
12th – Chris Chambers – 74
13th – Cowboys D/ST – 104
14th – Tony Scheffler – 77*
15th – Earnest Graham – 104
16th – Aaron Rogers – 298*

4) Ben Nielsen (6th Overall Pick)
TRP – 2157
TRPK – 1835
TSP – 1636
TBP – 521
TKP – 322
AFP – 1652
Difference – (+16)

Preseason Prediction: (I didn’t write one for me, but I’m assuming that it would have said I was going to win it all.)

What I Said in September: “I feel pretty good about my team (as if you couldn’t tell). I am confident my receivers are going to dominate this season. The combination of Houshmandzadeh and Braylon Edwards, with Greg Jennings at the flex, should serve me well. On the bench I have a potential breakout guy in Calvin Johnson and a this year’s Wes Welker in Anthony Gonzalez…While I don’t think Carson Palmer is going to be spectacular or win me any matchups this year, I do feel that he will not lose me any matchups and will be a consistent performer. Philip Rivers is a good option as a back-up…My biggest question is going to be who steps up fill in the second running back roll. Marion Barber will be a touchdown machine, and I’m not concerned about him. I also have his backup, Felix Jones, should something happen to Barber. As of now, Darren McFadden is my number two guy – but as a rookie, I really don’t know what I’m going to get in him. My other running back options include Jones, Steve Slaton and Rashard Mendenhall – all of whom are rookies. I figure one of either McFadden, Jones, Slaton or Mendenhall will be good.”

Thoughts: My draft finished higher than I thought it was. Barber missing the last month of the season, Carson Palmers season-ending injury, T.J. Houshmandzadeh’s non-existence, Darren McFadden’s injuries and the stupidity of drafting a tight end in the fifth round utterly destroyed my top five picks. I may arguably have the worst top five picks of any team in the draft in that I was the only team to not have a single top five pick score over 200 points. So, clearly, my rounds six through 16 picks need to be very solid – and they were. I had four picks 200-plus point players from round six to 16. Only Jeff can claim the same thing. More impressive is that only one of those players was a keeper (same as Jeff). I will forever wonder what could have been for the 2008 season if Barber, Palmer and McFadden had stayed healthy in addition to Edwards living up to his expectations. Had three of those four cracked the 200 point mark (as was expected and was not a stretch by any imagination), this would have been the best draft it the league. But it wasn’t.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Marion Barber – 192*
2nd – Carson Palmer – 34
3rd – T.J. Houshmandzadeh – 117
4th – Darren McFadden – 96
5th – Dallas Clark – 122*
6th – Calvin Johnson – 228*
7th – Anthony Gonzalez – 87
8th – Braylon Edwards (1) – 117*
9th – Felix Jones – 52
10th – JaMarcus Russell – 129
11th – Philip Rivers – 294*
12th – Greg Jennings (1) – 205*
13th – Steve Slaton – 239*
14th – Rashard Mendenhall – 6
15th – Green Bay D/ST – 119*
16th – Stephen Gostkowski – 120*

3) Erik Johnson (4th overall pick)
TRP – 2256
TRPK – 1702
TSP – 1523
TBP – 733
TKP – 554
AFP – 1745
Difference – (+222)

Preseason Prediction: Erik wins division and earns the two seed.

What I Said in September: “Erik’s draft is littered with guys who are either coming off of surgery, a serious injury or have an extensive injury history… Guys like Steve Smith, Kellen Winslow, Donovan McNabb, Adrian Peterson and Vernon Davis. There is also this: Peyton Manning, Willie Parker, Laurence Maroney and Marvin Harrison are all coming off a season ending injury or surgery; Reggie Bush, Steve Smith and Plaxico Burress all battled injuries last season that either caused them to miss games or negatively impact their performance in multiple games. This means 12 of Erik’s 16 draft picks have some kind of serious injury red flag…Of course, the good news for Erik is that his team probably has more upside from proven players than any other team – and Erik is the king of upside. The health of Willie Parker and Adrian Peterson will dictate how well this season goes for Erik.”

Thoughts: Erik split on the health aspect of his draft. Peyton Manning had a slow start, as did McNabb. Parker, Bush, Winslow and Davis all got hurt. Plaxico Burress shot himself. But Erik hit it big on three drafted guys: Steve Smith, Donovan McNabb and Roddy White. Those guys, the added solid players of Kevin Smith and LenDale White, in addition of having the best keeper combination (by far) in the league pushed him ahead of Tony and Ben in the rankings.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Peyton Manning (1) – 265*
2nd – Willie Parker – 124
3rd – Reggie Bush – 133
4th – Steve Smith – 218*
5th – Plaxico Burress – 70
6th – Kellen Winslow – 60*
7th – Laurence Maroney – 8
8th – Donovan McNabb – 246
9th – Adrian Peterson (1) – 289*
10th – Chicago D/ST – 137*
11th – Marvin Harrison – 89
12th – Kevin Smith – 171*
13th – Roddy White – 213*
14th – LenDale White – 170*
15th – Vernon Davis – 39
16th – Brady Quinn – 24
^Did not draft a kicker.

2) Andrew Wessley (8th overall pick)
TRP – 2371
TRPK – 2085
TSP – 1573
TBP – 753
TKP – 286
AFP – 1682
Difference – (+109)

Preseason Prediction: Will miss the playoffs and will finish last in the consolation bracket.

What I Said in September: “Let’s start with the positives: Drew Brees will have a solid season, as should Brandon Marshall; Jason Witten provides good value as a 12th rounder; Jonathan Stewart is a nice potential keeper. That’s about it…Frank Gore and Marshawn Lynch are terrible first and second round picks...Other running backs include: Edgerrin James (hehehe…), Jonathan Stweart (good choice if this was 2010 – and it’s not), Rudi Johnson (the freaking Bengals cut him), DeShaun Foster (dead man walking)… Who is going to throw the ball to Larry Fitzgerald? If you answered Matt Leinart, you’re fucked. If you said Kurt Warner, you’re fucked. If you own Larry Fitzgerald, you’re double-fucked. I’m not saying Fitzgerald sucks, I’m only saying that you’re fucked. Other Receivers include: Santonio Holmes (I’d like him if the Steelers weren’t a run first offense), Roy Williams (Calvin Johnson is going to steal all his thunder), Lee Evans (when exactly has he had a good season?) and Brandon Marshall (a second tier receiver)…The massive hole at running back in addition to the lack of a top wide receiver is going to kill Andrew this season… I think.”

Thoughts: Looking back at Andrew’s draft, I disagree with his ranking at number two. But that is what the numbers say so I’m going to have to deal with it. I suppose there are two things that earned him this ranking. One would be that he did not bust on any on the players he was counting on going into the season. Larry Fitzgerald was better than I anticipated and Brandon Marshall was worse than Andrew anticipated, but the balance of the two was enough to get him through the season at wide receiver. Frank Gore and Marshawn Lynch were not the top end running backs their draft positions would suggest they should have been, but they stayed relatively healthy and did not totally bomb in their production. The other thing would be that he got ridiculous production from the two quarterbacks he drafted. I know Andrew felt Drew Brees would be good this season, but I doubt he felt Brees was going to be as good as he was (he threw a touchdown in every game this season but one – the Chiefs game… I don’t get that either). Additionally, Jay Cutler had a ridiculous season and will be his best keeper prospect. But beyond the Cutler pick, Andrew did nothing in rounds five through 16, but he didn’t bomb on guys he was counting on. Ultimately, Andrew nailed his first four picks, got enough from the back end of his draft and had the right people stay healthy to steal the second spot in the draft rankings.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Frank Gore – 189*
2nd – Marshawn Lynch – 188*
3rd – Drew Brees – 355*
4th – Larry Fitzgerald – 251*
5th – Edgerrin James – 78
6th – Santonio Holmes – 105
7th – Roy Williams – 49
8th – Jonathan Stewart – 147*
9th – Lee Evans – 139
10th – Jay Cutler – 307
11th – Rudi Johnson – 36
12th – Jason Witten (1) – 124*
13th – Brandon Marshall (1) – 162*
14th – DeShaun Foster – 39
15th – Jacksonville D/ST – 71*
16th – Phil Dawson – 86*

1) Jeff Weseloh (5th overall pick)
TRP – 2388
TRPK – 1919
TSP – 1498
TBP – 890
TKP – 469
AFP – 1643
Difference – (+145)

Preseason Prediction: Will make the playoffs as a three seed.

What I Said in September: “Jeff has a solid receiving core in Randy Moss, Andre Johnson, Donald Driver and Patrick Crayton…Weseloh’s big guy will be Tony Romo, who I think will be the “2007 Tom Brady” of 2008. Not to say he’s going to break Brady’s record or anything, but I think Romo will have more than 40 touchdown passes this season.”

Thoughts: You get no love from me since I drafted your team. Nice keeper selections though.

Bold = Keeper
(#) = Consecutive times player has been kept
Round – Player – Points Scored
1st – Randy Moss – 181*
2nd – Ryan Grant – 167*
3rd – Willis McGahee – 127
4th – Jamal Lewis – 126
5th – Andre Johnson (1) – 243*
6th – Donald Driver – 138*
7th – Jake Delhomme – 166
8th – Matt Forte – 244*
9th – Joey Galloway – 11
10th – Tony Romo (1) – 226*
11th – Patrick Crayton – 77
12th – David Garrard – 216
13th – Julius Jones – 86
14th – JT O'Sullivan – 81
15th – Tennessee D/ST – 181*
16th – David Akers – 118*
^ Did not draft a tight end.

Tier Draft Rankings

1st Tier - Score
Jeff – 12
Andrew – 13
Erik – 16

2nd Tier – Score
Ben – 21
Tony – 24

3rd Tier – Score
Jason – 28
Joel – 29

4th Tier – Score
Chris – 37

Total Roster Points (Draft)
1) Jeff – 2388
2) Andrew – 2371
3) Erik – 2256
4) Tony – 2195
5) Ben – 2157
6) Joel – 1997
7) Jason – 2000
8) Chris – 1815

Total Roster Points Minus Keepers
1 Andrew – 2085
2 Tony – 1977
3 Jeff – 1919
4 Ben – 1835
5 Erik – 1702
6 Joel – 1666
7 Chris – 1589
8 Jason – 1540

Total Starter Points (Drafted Starters)
1) Ben – 1636
2) Andrew – 1573
3) Jason – 1542
4) Erik – 1523
5) Jeff – 1498
6) Tony – 1474
7) Chris – 1472
8) Joel – 1424

Total Bench Points (Drafted Depth)
1) Jeff – 890
2) Andrew – 753
3) Erik – 733
4) Tony – 721
5) Joel – 573
6) Ben – 521
7) Jason – 458
8) Chris – 343

Actual Fantasy Points (Regular Season)
1) Erik – 1745
2) Andrew – 1682
3) Chris – 1670
4) Jason – 1660
5) Ben – 1652
6) Jeff – 1643
7) Tony – 1614
8) Joel – 1395

Difference (Between Draft and Regular Season)
1) Erik – 222
2) Chris – 198
3) Jeff – 145
4) Tony – 140
5) Jason – 118
6) Andrew – 109
7) Ben – 16
8) Joel – (-29)

Ranking First Round Picks
1) Peyton Manning (265 – Erik – 4th Pick)
2) LDT (223 – Chris – 7th Pick)
3) Steven Jackson (198 – Tony – 3rd Pick)
4) Marion Barber (192 – Ben – 6th Pick)
5) Frank Gore (189 – Andrew – 8th Pick)
6) Randy Moss (181 – Jeff – 5th Pick)
7) Terrell Owens (180 – Jason – 2nd Pick)
8) Joseph Addai (115 – Joel – 1st Pick)

Best Draft Pick By Round
First Round – Peyton Manning (Erik)
Second Round – Brian Westbrook (Jason – Keeper)
Third Round – Drew Brees (Andrew)
Fourth Round – Thomas Jones (Joel)
Fifth Round – Andre Johnson (Jeff – Keeper)
Sixth Round – Calvin Johnson (Ben)
Seventh Round – Jake Delhomme (Jeff)
Eighth Round – Donovan McNabb (Erik)
Ninth Round – Adrian Peterson (Erik)
Tenth Round – Jay Cutler (Andrew)
Eleventh Round – Philip Rivers (Ben)
Twelfth Round – DeAngelo Williams (Jason)
Thirteenth Round – Steve Slaton (Ben)
Fourteenth Round – LenDale White (Erik)
Fifteenth Round – Tennessee Def/ST (Jeff)
Sixteenth Round – Aaron Rogers (Tony)

Top 10 Picks (minus Keepers)
1) DeAngelo Williams (321 – Jason – Round 12)
2) Aaron Rogers (298 – Tony – Round 16)
3) Jay Cutler (307 – Andrew – Round 10)
4) Steve Slaton (239 – Ben – Round 13)
5) Philip Rivers (294 – Ben – Round 11)
6) Matt Forte (244 – Jeff – Round 8)
7) Calvin Johnson (228 – Ben – Round 6)
8) Roddy White (213 – Erik – Round 13)
9) Drew Brees (355 – Andrew – Round 3)
10) Donovan McNabb (246 – Erik – Round 8)

Ranking the 2008 Keeper Selections by Total Fantasy Points
1) Adrian Peterson – 289 (9th Round – Erik)
2) Peyton Manning – 265 (1st Round – Erik)
3) Andre Johnson – 243 (5th Round – Jeff)
4) Clinton Portis – 235 (3rd Round – Jason)
5) Tony Romo – 226 (10th Round – Jeff)
6) Brian Westbrook – 225 (2nd Round – Jason)
7) LaDanian Tomlinson – 223 (1st Round – Chris)
8) Greg Jennings – 205 (12th Round – Ben)
9) Ben Roethlisberger – 183 (11th Round – Joel)
10) Reggie Wayne – 168 (3rd Round – Tony)
11) Brandon Marshall – 162 (13th Round – Andrew)
12) Wes Welker – 148 (15th Round – Joel)
13) Jason Witten – 124 (12th Round – Andrew)
14) Braylon Edwards – 117 (8th Round – Ben)
15) Matt Hasselbeck – 50 (5th Round – Tony)
16) Tom Brady – 3 (2nd Round – Chris)

Keeper Rankings
1) Erik (554)
2) Jeff (469)
3) Jason (460)
4) Joel (331)
5) Ben (322)
6) Andrew (286)
7) Chris (226)
8) Tony (218)

Consolation Bracket Rosters

2009-01-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

Chris' Roster
Kurt Warner
Michael Turner
Ronnie Brown
Antonio Gates
Colts DEF/ST
Anquan Boldin
DeAngelo Williams
Adrian Peterson
Ben Roethlisberger
Vincent Jackson
Santonio Holmes
Giants DEF/ST
Vicente Shiancoe
Jeff Reed
Mark Clayton
Jake Delhomme

Jeff's Roster
LaDainian Tomlinson
Steve Smith
Titans D/ST
Chris Johnson
Joseph Addai
Dominic Rhodes
Peyton Manning
Chad Pennington
Le'Ron McClain
Reggie Wayne
Domenik Hixon
Todd Heap
Titans DEF/ST
Anthony Fasano
Eagles DEF/ST
David Akers
John Carney

Tony's Roster
Brandon Jacobs
Hines Ward
Eli Manning
Willis McGahee
John Kasay
Kevin Boss
Larry Fitzgerald
Steelers DEF/ST
Dallas Clark
Joe Flacco
Rickey Williams
Steve Breston
Darren Sproles
Chester Taylor
Bo Scaife
Ryan Longwell

Joel's Roster
Ravens DEF/ST
Donovan McNabb
Jerious Norwood
LenDale White
Philip Rivers
Brian Westbrook
Mewelde Moore
Roddy White
Derrick Mason
Heath Miller
David Martin
Correll Buckhalter
Dolphins DEF/ST
Matt Stover
Adam Vinatieri
Anthony Gonzalez

Championship Rosters

2008-12-30T12:58:00.001-08:00

Here are the rosters for the Championship Bracket.

Erik's Roster

Peyton Manning

Adrian Peterson

Willie Parker

Le'Ron McClain

Reggie Wayne

Roddy White

Michael Turner

Steve Smith

Brandon Jacobs

Eli Manning

Santonio Holmes

Kevin Boss

Justin Gage

PHI DEF/ST

IND DEF/ST

Adam Vinatieri

Jason's Roster

DeAngelo Williams

Brian Westbrook

Vincent Jackson

David Akers

Giants DEF/ST

Kurt Warner

Chris Johnson

Hines Ward

Bernard Berrian

Vicente Shiancoe

Derrick Mason

Mewelde Moore

Ben Roethlisberger

MIN DEF/ST

Bo Scaife

John Carney

Ben's Roster

Phillip Rivers

Dallas Clark

Rod Bironas

Joe Flacco

Derrick Ward

Chad Pennington

LaDanian Tomlinson

Ronnie Brown

BAL DEF/ST

LenDale White

Antonio Gates

Jake Delhomme

Mark Clayton

TEN DEF/ST

Chris Chambers

Nate Kaeding

Andrew's Roster

Jonathan Stewart

Larry Fitzgerald

Anthony Fasano

PIT DEF/ST

Jason Elam

Donovan McNabb

Anquan Boldin

DeShawn Jackson

Willis McGahee

Joseph Addai

Mushin Muhammad

Anthony Gonzalez

Heath Miller

Armani Toomer

Kerry Collins

Correll Buckhalter

LIVE BLOG: Chiefs v Bengals 4th Quarter

2008-12-28T12:58:00.001-08:00

Fourth Quarter

14:15

The Chiefs have not cross midfield since William Wallace was six years old. They finally do, but can’t do anything with it as the turn the ball over on downs.

You know those Bud Light commercials where the guy is writing in thin air maps and such? I really wish I could do that. As a matter of fact, I wish I could do most things that happen in beer commercials.

13:35

RAMS UPDATE: A field goal pushes the Rams to within a touchdown. Still plenty of time life.

13:12

Cedric Benson could be an interesting fantasy option next season. Carson Palmer will be back but it can be assumed he won’t be fully back, meaning they will rely on the run a little more than usual. The way Benson has looked the last couple of weeks he might have a decent season in 2009. Wouldn’t be interesting if he gets traded for T.J. Houshmandzadeh but this time Benson has the crazy good season and T.J. sucks?

10:55

The Chiefs finally get a sack!!! Of course, it was a terrible sack. Boone had him first, but completely whiffed on the tackle. Babin ended up getting him after Fitzpatrick couldn’t get around his own lineman.

10:07

Robinson didn’t fumble, but he might as well have… Chiefs ball on the 7ish.

9:32

Tyler Thigpen can’t throw the deep ball. He under-threw Bradley badly, but the DB mistimed his jump. This gave Bradley a chance to catch the ball but he couldn’t hold onto it.

Tony Gonzalez followed that play up with his second catch of the drive. 9 more catches….

8:34

Bowe with another catch. He needs 40 more yards to get 1000. I predict he’ll get 35.

8:13

Thigpen fumbles the handoff, Bengals recover. Thigpen has looked terrible in this game, much the same way he looked in the Falcons game earlier this season.

He is 13-27 for 106 yards.

7:28

DERRICK JOHNSON JUST LIT UP CEDRIC BENSON!!!! How is Benson not dead??????????

6:40

Fourth Most Accurate Kicker In NFL History Shane Graham hits another field goal to extend the lead to 16-0, despite the fact that boring announcer guy said 17-0.

6:15

RAMS UPDATE: Rams score somehow, I’m too lazy to look it up – probably was Steven Jackson, and tie the game at 24. Don’t get too excited because, one, it is the Rams and, two, there is still 13 minutes left in the game.

The Lions game is still tied at 14. I kind of want that game to end in a tie now. 0-15-1. Would that be worse that 0-16?

5:57

Technical difficulties by CBS has forced to Plax myself. It really hurts. What was that guy thinking?

4:44

Mark Bradley was just called for a false start. Ugh.

4:08

Dwayne Bowe!!! Holy crap what a catch!!! I hope they challenge it, because I think he scored. Nice throw by Thigpen too. Could have used more of those…

On the previous play, Gonzalez caught a pass. 8 more catches…

Bowe has 10 catches for 103 yards. That puts him over 1000 yards. Statistically, Bowe is special. Now if he can just make those clutch catches and add some consistency…

Still waiting on the replay…

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…

Play stands. Ball placed at the one. Sucks for Bowe. Got his grand (1000 yards) though.

3:15

Chiefs have failed on three straight attempts to get into the endzone from the one. Play include: a fade to TG, LJ getting stuffed for no gain, a terrible pass to LJ.

On fourth down, they throw a fade to Bowe for a touchdown, but Bowe is called for offensive pass interference (tough call).

On fourth and goal part two, the Bengals are call for pass interference in the endzone. Ugly football.

3:00

On the second first and goal, LJ is tackled for a loss on a sweep-type play.

On second down, the Thigpen finally hits TG for the touchdown. 7 more catches…

Chiefs fail to convert the two-point conversion.

2:20

Green Bay is up on the Lions by 10 with 8 minutes left. 0-16 here we come!

STL and ATL are still tied, but the Rams have a 3rd and 9 on the Falcons 10 with 7 minutes left.

2:18

Leon Hall does not pull a Dwayne Bowe and holds onto the onside kick. One first down and the game is over. 2-14. Geez…

2:14

DeAngelo Williams: 163

Chiefs Rushing: 31

2:00

Benson runs for a first down, which should effectively end the game.

RAMS UPDATE: Rams hit a field goal to go up 27-24. I still think the Falcons will win the game.

Detroit scores, don’t know how, to get within 3 points of Green Bay.

1:30

Benson breaks 100 yards, which is good news for my fantasy team. Bad news for the Chiefs. The Chiefs have lost 23 of their last 25 games. Ouch.

:30

Fitzpatrick takes a knee. Bengals win. Chiefs season is done. 2-14. Terrible. Well, I guess we could be the Lions…

UPDATES: Within seconds of each other, the Packers and Falcons each score touchdowns. The Lions and Rams suck.

LIVE BLOG: Chiefs v Bengals 3rd Quarter

2008-12-28T12:05:00.001-08:00

Third Quarter

15:00

Good news: The Chiefs are a terrible second half team. Wait that’s bad news… ON WITH THE SECOND HALF!!!

RAMS UPDATE: Rams 14, Falcons 17. I truly hope Atlanta sits all of its starters in the second half. Please, sit your starters.

14:57

DeAngelo Williams: 143 yards (15 carries)
Chiefs: 50 total yards (51 penalty yards)

Tyler Thigpen is a fantastic 5-14 for 38 yards. The good news is that … ummm … well, I haven’t figured that out yet. I’ll get back to you.

I just heard on the radio that Herm Edwards press conference tomorrow is scheduled for 11:30. This is much earlier than usual (especially for an end of the season press conference). There is speculation that Herm will resign at the conference. Silver lining.

13:27

The Chiefs blitzed all three linebackers and failed to get to the quarterback. God our pass rush sucks.

12:47

JARROD PAGE!!! He just destroyed Cedric Benson. Seventh round…

12:01

Have I mentioned that the Bengals have 23 players on IR (NOT including Carson Palmer) and T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are not active today? Oh, I didn’t know I had. Sorry about that.

With that said, first down Bengals. (19th first down of the day.)

10:25

It is times like these that I am glad God invented beer. And, yes, God is an inventor – I know I’m sooo controversial.

9:38

Derrick Johnson REALLY needs to work on his hands this spring and summer. He just dropped an easy TAINT (interception for a touchdown).

8:54

The Bengals have a mere 16 sacks this season (three more than the league record for fewest sacks). With this said, they still have 7 more sacks than the Chiefs.

8:09

The Chiefs finally make the Bengals punt for the first time today. Of course, the Bengals down it inside the five.

RAMS UPDATE: Rams 14, Falcons 24. If both the Chiefs and Rams lose, a coin toss will determine who has the 2nd overall pick in the draft. The more I think about it, what really is the difference between the second and third overall pick? Half a billion dollars in signing bonus’?

6:40

FIRST DOWN CHIEFS!!! Granted, Bowe pushed Leon Hall to the ground before he caught the ball (a penalty should have been called) but who cares. LJ follows that up with an 11 yard run. Back to back first downs doubles our total first downs for the game. We still have fewer yards that DeAngelo Williams though.

5:13

Bowe has caught about 345345 short screens in this game (actually that number is about five) and, after the three yard loss on this one, I hope it is the last catch he has on a screen in this game.

5:01

Tony Gonzalez makes his first catch of the game. He needs 11 more…

3:08

Chiefs punt. Again. Ugh.

51-yard punt by Colquitt goes into the endzone.

2:30

Cedric Benson just now returned from his hit delivered by Page. Sweet.

1:39

Holy crap the Chiefs force a three and out. Robinson returns the punt. Every time he touches the ball I’m convinced he is going to fumble. He hasn’t – yet.

Now seems like a good time to tell you that the Packers and Lions are tied at 14. Calvin Johnson has two touchdown catches.

Williams has 155 yards rushing.

STL is still losing.

:42

I would respect Dhani Jones a lot more if he wore a bow-tie during games.

:00

The Bengals get a sack, only they needed to cheat to do it (facemask). Maybe the Chiefs should look into that cheating thing…

One quarter remaining in the Chiefs season. COMEBACK BEGINS NOW!!!

LIVE BLOG: Chiefs v Bengals 2nd Quarter

2008-12-28T11:24:00.000-08:00

Second Quarter

15:00

Tony Gonzalez needs to average four catches a quarter now in order to break his own record. I still feel this is within range…

14:47

Tyler Thigpen throws an incomplete pass on 3 and 11. When the ball landed, there were zero Chiefs and five Bengals in the picture. And, of course, the pass was intended for Tony Gonzalez.

14:21

Andre Caldwell runs 79,621 yards in order to gain 25 yards on a reverse. Caldwell has looked very good in the first quarter and change. The Bengals have seven plays of 10 yards or more already in the game.

The Bengals are ranked 32nd in total offense and points per game this season. The Bengals are without Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Fantastic.

11:41

Cedric Benson runs for the Bengals eighth play of 10 yards or more. The Bengals are two yards away from a touchdown.

10:57

Cedric Benson. Touchdown. 10-0 Bengals. It is the 6 rushing touchdown for the Bengals this season. Live blogging Chiefs games is both historic and depressing.

On a more positive note, Cedric Benson is on my fantasy team this week. I’ll see your DeAngelo Williams with a “Cedric Benson playing the Chiefs,” Jason!

10:51

Charles is finally out on the field as a running back. I just learned from the most boring announcers in announcing history that Charles is averaging 7 yards per touch. This makes me mad.

10: 48

Chiefs: Three possessions, three punts.

32 Offense (Bengals): Three possessions, two scores.

Ben: Three possessions, three suicide attempts.

10:10

Make that four possessions, four punts. Somehow, Larry Johnson manages to gain zero yards on a third and one run.

MVP Dustin Colquit has a 55-yard punt that puts the Bengals inside the 10.

8:13

Awesomely bad movie: The Spirit. Scarlett Johansson and Eva Mendes are smoking hot in that movie. I have no idea what the plot was, but I do know Johansson and Mendes wore a splendidly limited amount of clothing.

8:07

The Chiefs defense has just managed to pull off a defensive holding and facemask on the same play. I think the Chiefs have more yard in penalties than offensive yards. I’ll check that.

6:41

Chiefs Total Offensive yards: 42

Chiefs Penalty Yards: 51

DeAngelo Williams: 107 yards (12 carries)

5:40

Cedric Benson suddenly looks like Walter Peyton. Chiefs defense: Reviving washed up players careers for the past decade.

4:11

“It seems as if Cincinnati has a real good feel on how to counteract whatever the Chiefs are doing on defense.” – Boring announcer guy

Reminder: The Bengals are the 32nd ranked offense in the NFL.

2:43

Ryan Fitzpatrick looks like Tyler Thigpen. This is not a good thing for the Chiefs future at quarterback.

2:01

HOLY SHIT I SAW GLENN DORSEY DO SOMETHING!!! He penetrated. Hehehehehe…

1:51

Fourth Most Accurate Kicker In NFL History Shane Graham hits a 30-yard field goal to give the Bengals a 13-0 lead.

RAMS UPDATE: Rams 7, Falcons 10 – Damnit.

1:41

Yards per Drive

Drive 1: 15 yards
Drive 2: 3 yards
Drive 3: 15 yards
Drive 4: 9 yards

1:29

Thigpen just threw a pass that was so bad, fans are booing because Intentional Grounding was not called. I mean the nearest receiver was literally 30 yards away. Not an kidding. 30 yards.

:44

The Chiefs are punting – again. I’m not going to miss this Chiefs team. Not one bit. It’s like watching the 2005 Royals.

:20

St. Louis scores on a touchdown pass to someone I’ve never heard of (Donnie Avery). 14-10 STL. SWEET

:00

The half ends on Fitzpatrick throwing a Hail Mary out of bounds. Ugly football game. 13-0 Bengals. One half left of wretched Chiefs football. I hope it’s a good one. I don’t want this to be the final taste in my mouth of the Chiefs.