Pre-Season Post of the Century

Oh blog. How long it has been since I have remembered to write on you. Do you miss being used by me to plug every reason why Chris is the luckiest son of a bitch alive? Do miss my passionate pleas that Chris Benson for T.J. Houshmandzadeh is the worst trade in the history of mankind because Benson’s value is SOOOO much greater? Do you miss my “luck factor” reasoning? Do you miss my conclusion that Philip Rivers is the greatest quarterback in the history of great San Diego quarterbacks from 2007? Or that Kige Ramsey is a genius? Or my obsession with getting Herm Edwards fired? My hatred for Anquan Boldin? Yeah… I didn’t either.

Before I get on with this, I want to pose a question to you: Would you pay $30 (more specifically, $29.95) to watch Mizzou destroy Southeast Missouri State (who barely beat freaking SBU in overtime… at home) on Pay Per View? Would you really do that Erik? Really???

Mr. Joel of Schilb

Joel was kind enough to not show up to the draft. How gay of him. And being the bastard he is, he used the “Brian Winckler Method” of not showing up to the draft while having the number one overall pick and coming away with a solid team. I. Hate. You. Really, I do. You’re terrible fantasy baseball team suck.

Anyway, Joseph Addai, Marques Colston and Jerricho Cotchery to go along with Ben Roethlisberger. Add in a potential top five(ish) defense in Baltimore, Brett Favre and a solid tight end in Chris Cooley (and Ben Watson for that matter) add Schilb comes away with a team that can compete for a playoff spot. You’re welcome, Joel.

What Joel doesn’t know is that, under “Brian Winckler Method” stipulations, he will be trading Ben Roethlisberger and Joseph Addai for Jon Kitna and Kip Wells.

Prediction: Joel slips into the playoffs with the “four” seed.

Mr. Jason of Willey

Still reeling from the realization that Ben was right and both Erik Bedard and Aaron Harrang were going to suck this season, Willey managed to pull himself together and not show up for the draft. Thanks, Jason. Fortunately, for his sake at least, I was able to pry a list of people he wanted in the top 10 rounds. I stupidly followed that list.

Thankfully, Jason’s team still sucks. While Terrell Owens is the more likely wide receiver between Randy Moss and himself to repeat last seasons success, and Brian Westbrook will be the best running back in fantasy this season (mark my words Chris, because I know you already are), Jason simply lacks any depth. Clinton Portis is a liability in the backfield and Derek Anderson is setup for a sophomore slump (so that he can be released and signed by the Chiefs this offseason). Torry Holt is nine billion years old (I think) and Jason has almost no one of value to bring off the bench.

The good news is that Ted Ginn Jr. is poised to have a break out season and he has Jon Kitna. The Kitna thing is important because that means he will be acquiring Ben Roethlisberger and Joseph Addai in week nine.

Prediction: Will miss playoffs and lose championship game of the consolation bracket.

Mr. Tony of Allen

Hey, he actually showed up for the draft! Unfortunately for him, he may have been better off not showing up. Brandon Jacobs in the fourth round? Steven Jackson as the third overall? Kevin Boss? Outside of Reggie Wayne, you have no one to play the other WR spot. And by week five, when Larry Johnson and Seven Jackson are dead and Brandon Jacobs is declared a bust (because he, along with Ryan Grant, are the two most overrated backs in fantasy this season), you will have no running backs or a flex player.

Yes, I know predicting failure based on non-existing injuries is semi-faulty reasoning, but when you consider who is blocking for both Johnson and Jackson, their injuries from last season and their prominent rolls in their individual offensive schemes and I think you’ll see the writing is pretty much on the wall for these guys. I see each of their backups having more success this season.

The good news is I think Matt Hasselbeck and Hines Ward will each have excellent seasons. I also have wet dreams about the Minnesota defense (I need better wet dreams). Additionally, Aaron Rogers could potentially be a huge keeper steal (sixteenth round) when looking back at the draft at the end of the season.

Prediction: Will miss the playoffs and lose in the first round of the consolation bracket.

Mr. Erik of Johnson

Erik showed up to the draft – that was nice of him. I still think he is poopyhead, though.

Erik’s draft is littered with guys who are either coming off of surgery, a serious injury or have an extensive injury history. I understand that everyone gets hurt in football – minus Will Shields and Brett Favre – but there are clearly guys who seem to get hurt ALL the time. Guys like Steve Smith, Kellen Winslow, Donovan McNabb, Adrian Peterson and Vernon Davis. There is also this: Peyton Manning, Willie Parker, Laurence Maroney and Marvin Harrison are all coming off a season ending injury or surgery; Reggie Bush, Steve Smith and Plaxico Burress all battled injuries last season that either caused them to miss games or negatively impact their performance in multiple games. This means 12 of Erik’s 16 draft picks have some kind of serious injury red flag. Now, it is completely possible that all twelve of these guys will be healthy all season and put up big numbers, but I would bet that this does not happen. I would venture to guess that at least six of these guys will miss a week to injury and at least three will miss four or more games. Erik will have more of a burden than most owners managing injuries this season.

Of course, the good news for Erik is that his team probably has more upside from proven players than any other team – and Erik is the kind of upside. The health of Willie Parker and Adrian Peterson will dictate how well this season goes for Erik. Erik will also be watching Rashard Mendenhall (Parker’s backup) and Chester Taylor (Peterson’s backup) closely as they will they will be a two-headed monster Erik will have to deal with every week.

Prediction: Erik wins his division and earns the “two” seed in the playoffs.

Mr. Jeff of Weseloh

Jeff did not show up to the draft because he sucks. Yet, somehow, I think he ended up with a playoff roster. I hate it when this happens.

Jeff has a solid receiving core in Randy Moss, Andre Johnson, Donald Driver and Patrick Crayton. While Moss isn’t going to score 23 touchdowns, I don’t think 15 would be so bad. Andre Johnson is poised for a big season and Donald Driver is an excellent flex option. Patrick Crayton is a second half sleeper.

His running back options are not eye-poping to me, but I think are more than capable of getting him to the playoffs. A rotation of Ryan Grant, Willis McGahee, Jamal Lewis, Matt Forte and Julius Jones should get the job done.

Weseloh’s big guy will be Tony Romo, who I think will be the “2007 Tom Brady” of 2008. Not to say he’s going to break Brady’s record or anything, but I think Romo will have more than 40 touchdown passes this season. I believe this because of the weak defenses the Cowboys will play, the receiving targets in Owens, Crayton and Jason Witten and the explosive addition of Felix Jones. I think Jones adds something they didn’t have last year in a guy who can come out of the backfield and make a play in the receiving game. His speed and agility makes him a tough guy to tackle in the open field. Also, he should be fresh because he will not have to take the “between the tackles” carries that Marion Barber will own.

Prediction: Will make the playoffs as a “three” seed.

Mr. Chris of Wessley

Chris showed up to the draft, but he really didn’t need to until round three as he kept LDT and Tom Brady. But after looking at his draft, it appears that he really wasn’t all there until round 10 when he took Jeremy Shockey. He then took another two rounds off before taking DeShawn Jackson and then promptly left the draft. Chris’ draft is littered with bad picks and overdrafts. Michael Turner has no business going in the third round and I think will prove to be a bust and was the biggest reach of the draft. Chad Ocho Cinco is going to have a down season this year, which I think will prove to be his last in Cincinnati. Chad is batting a separated shoulder, which I think will hinder his production the first four weeks or so. Also the production of Mr. Championship along with an improved running game should cut into his numbers.

I’m also not sold on Tom Brady as a dominate fantasy player this year – and by dominate, I mean be remotely as good as he was last season. Look, he can throw 30 touchdowns this season (which would be a GREAT season) and still be 20 touchdowns short of what he did last year. Brady’s foot concerns me, as does his offensive line. What saves New England as a team is their weak division, which may save Brady’s fantasy value, but I think New England is on the downswing and is in need of an injection of young talent.

With this said, I do still think Brady will throw 30+ touchdowns, which will put him in the top five in quarterbacks. Also, I talked a lot of crap about Chris’ team last pre-season and he dominated the regular season. So… yeah.

Prediction: Misses the playoffs and will win the consolation bracket.

Mr. Andrew of Wessley

Andrew was kind enough to show up to the draft. Of course, he sucked it up in the draft, but at least he showed the decency to show up.

Let’s start with the positives: Drew Brees will have a solid season, as should Brandon Marshall; Jason Witten provides good value as a 12th rounder; Jonathan Stewart is a nice potential keeper. That’s about it.

Frank Gore and Marshawn Lynch are terrible first and second round picks. When exactly was the last time a non-pass-receiving running back has had a good season when Mike Martz was an offensive coordinator? Oh, and did I mention that Mike Martz REALLY likes to throw the ball? As for Lynch, here is my line of thought: Marshawn Lynch plays for the Buffalo Bills; the Buffalo Bills cannot throw the ball to save their lives; opponents will put 8 and 9 guys in the box to force the Buffalo Bills to pass (which they won’t); the Buffalo Bills offense equals the Kansas City Chiefs offense; the Kansas City Chiefs offense sucks. Other running backs include: Edgerrin James (hehehe…), Jonathan Stweart (good choice if this was 2010 – and it’s not), Rudi Johnson (the freaking Bengals cut him), DeShaun Foster (dead man walking).

Receivers: Wombat Tango Force? Who is going to throw the ball to Larry Fitzgerald? If you answered Matt Leinart, you’re fucked. If you said Kurt Warner, you’re fucked. If you own Larry Fitzgerald, you’re double-fucked. I’m not saying Fitzgerald sucks, I’m only saying that you’re fucked. Other Receivers include: Santonio Holmes (I’d like him if the Steelers weren’t a run first offense), Roy Williams (Calvin Johnson is going to steal all his thunder), Lee Evans (when exactly has he had a good season?) and Brandon Marshall (a second tier receiver).

The massive hole at running back in addition to the lack of a top wide receiver is going to kill Andrew this season… I think.

Prediction: Misses playoffs and loses in the first round of the consolation bracket.

Mr. Ben of Nielsen

Three words: Best. Draft. Ever.

Two more words: T.J. Houshmandzadeh

One more word: Championship!!!!!!!!!111111!!!1!!1!!111/1//1/1!1!!

In all seriousness though, I feel pretty good about my team (as if you couldn’t tell). I am confident my receiver are going to dominate this season. The combination of Houshmandzadeh and Braylon Edwards with Greg Jennings at the flex should serve me well. On the bench I have a potential breakout guy in Calvin Johnson and a this year’s Wes Welker in Anthony Gonzalez.

While I don’t think Carson Palmer is going to be spectacular or win me any match-ups this year, I do feel that he will not lose me any match-ups and will be a consistent performer. Philip Rivers is a good option as a back-up, while JaMarcus Russell will be this year’s biggest sleeper.*

* I totally do not believe any of what I just said about JaMarcus Russell.

My biggest question is going to be who steps up fill in the second running back roll. Marion Barber will be a touchdown machine, and I’m not concerned about him. I also have his backup, Felix Jones, should something happen to Barber. As of now, Darren McFadden is my number two guy – but as a rookie, I really don’t know what I’m going to get in him. My other running back options include Jones, Steve Slaton and Rashard Mendenhall – all of whom are rookies. I figure one of either McFadden, Jones, Slaton and Mendenhall will be good. Hopefully whoever it is will be good enough to not be my Achilles heal.

Pre-Season Power Rankings

1. Ben
2. Erik
3. Jeff
4. Joel
5. Chris
6. Jason
7. Andrew
8. Tony

Quick Thoughts on the Chiefs

Mr. Croyle: How nice would it have been if the Chiefs had just started him at the beginning of last season? Then maybe we could have gone out and gotten that Brett Favre guy or swung a deal for Brady Quinn or something. Instead, we have to go through a full season of something we already know: At best, Croyle is a backup quarterback. For perspective, this subject only rates a 3 out of 10 on the Annoyance Scale, but it concerns me that the Chiefs didn’t even try to go out and find a guy who could legitimately fill in and be the quarterback of the future should Croyle crumble (or, more likely, get hurt) by week eight. Mr. Thigpen ain’t it and neither is Huard.

I understand the arguments that Croyle didn’t have a lot of time to throw the ball last season because of how bad the offensive line played. I also understand that LJ got hurt and the wide receiver core sucked. I get this. But here is what concerned me about him last season:
· His decision-making was terrible: It doesn’t matter who is on the field when you’re throwing into triple coverage consistently.
· He couldn’t stay healthy for half a season: Can’t play if you’re not on the field.
· He couldn’t win a job that was handed to him.
· He doesn’t create or make plays: All good quarterbacks make something of nothing. The scramble, they run, they find ways to get the ball to their playmakers. I have yet to see Croyle make a “play.” Not one.
· Accuracy = non-existent

Other than that, he’s pretty good.

Mr. Huard: There was some talk last month that the Chiefs not starting Huard is a hindrance to the Chiefs development because Croyle is just THAT bad. I think this is false, because Huard is just as bad as Croyle.

Five Headed Monster: You think the Chiefs are regretting giving that massive contract to LJ? The Chiefs have managed to find four legit running backs who could have easily carried the load this season without LJ. Heck, maybe we could have taken that money we gave LJ and signed, like, I don’t know, a free agent?

Interesting Free Agents Available or The Chiefs Have Over $30 Million in Cap Space:

First…
Derek Anderson – Anderson has a large roster bonus due to him at the end of the season. If the Browns feel like Quinn is ready, they may cut ties with Anderson.

Now…
Tommie Harris, DT
Chris Snee, G
Albert Haynesworth, DT
T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR
Roy Williams, WR
Lee Evans, WR (Yeah, the same guy I bashed above. Fantasy and real life are different damnit!)
Keith Brooking, LB

There are other players, but these are the ones I was interested in. Julius Peppers, Marion Barber and Steven Jackson headline the class. T.O., Brandon Jacobs, Will Smith and Daunta Robinson are also in the class.

2009 Draft Watch
- My campaign for James Larinitus for our top pick begins NOW!*
- Ball State Quarterback Matt Davis looked impressive against…Navy…still he seems like an interesting 4-7 round guy.
- Jeremy Maclin is the only MU guy the Chiefs are allowed to draft. That’s it. Only one… HE’S SO FREAKING FAST!!!