Chiefs, Breaking News and List of Picks

The following is what needs to happen in order for the Chiefs to win Sunday...

1) Tavaris Jackson must start the game for Minnesota.
Jackson is a turnover machine and will give the Chiefs defensive playmakers a chance to score (because we no the offense won't).

2) One of the defensive tackles for the Vikings must get hurt.
Otherwise, Larry Johnson is going to have nothing to work with. Unless, of course, they trade back for Dante Hall and use my secret formation...

3) The Vikings defense or special teams unit cannot score a touchdown.
If this happens, the game is over.

4) Dwayne Bowe must run the wrong route on every play.
To this point, it is the only way we can score.

5) At least one drunk fan must run onto the field and disable a Vikings player.
Hey, it worked in that Florida-Mets game ... sort of.



BREAKING NEWS

The Gays have traded Justin Medlock to the Wannabees for LaDainian Tomlinson, next year's first round draft pick and a player to be named later.

"He's not (Marvin) Harrison, but Medlock is a solid receiver," Wannabees owener Jeff Weseloh said. "I think he he will be the key to me winning the league."

The Gays owner Erik Johnson combated criticism that the trade was lopsided.

"Medlock out-performed Tomlinson during the preseason," Johnson said. "I don't understand why everyone thinks this trade is unfair. Additionally, I feel draft picks are overrated."

Rumors say the player to be named later could be Chad Johnson or Randy Moss. A source close to both teams are discussing another trade that may involve Payton Manning for the now retired Greg Hill.

In related news, League Manager Ben Nielsen has committed suicide.

***

Even written down, it doesn't look fair:

Marvin Harrison for Larry Fitzgerald
Braylon Edwards for Derrik Mason
Steven Jackson for Travis Henry
Vernon Davis for Kellen Winslow
Adrian Peterson for Calvin Johnson

I have no other words to describe how terrible this trade is...

From now on, the Wannabees will be referred to as the Wannasucks.

***

Arizona @ Baltimore
Line: 7 1/2

San Diego @ Green Bay
Line: 4 1/2

Indianapolis @ Houston
Line: 5 1/2

Minnesota @ Kansas City
Line: 2 1/2

Buffalo @ New England
Line: 15 1/2

Miami @ New York Jets
Line: 3 1/2

Detroit @ Philadelphia
Line: 6 1/2

San Fransisco @ Pittsburgh
Line: 8 1/2

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
Line: 3 1/2

Jacksonville @ Denver
Line: 3 1/2

Cleveland @ Oakland
Line: 3 1/2

Cincinnati @ Seattle
Line: 3 1/2

Carolina @ Atlanta
Line: 3 1/2

New York Giants @ Washington
Line: 4 1/2

Dallas @ Chicago
Line: 3 1/2

Tennessee @ New Orleans
Line: 4 1/2