LIVE BLOG: Chiefs v Bengals 1st Quarter

Pregame:

Chris Mortensen just tried to make me believe something crazy: Bill Parcells will leave Miami after the season via a clause in his contract.

But that wasn’t the crazy thing…

Bill Parcells possible replacement? Carl Peterson.

Chris Mortensen is officially the worse sports reporter ever. Or Miami is the stupidest organization ever.

First Quarter

15:00

I really wish Gus Johnson was doing this game…

14:53

Herb Taylor is officially a better kick returner than Eddie Drummund.

Which is worse: Going 0-16 or not winning at Cincinnati in 24 years?

13:41

I’m done with Larry Johnson. I don’t even think he is trying anymore. He purposely avoided hitting a hole so he could bounce it outside and get lose four yards.

12:36

If Thigpen is our quarterback next season (and God I hope he is not) he has GOT to get better at the deep ball. No accuracy whatsoever.

12:26

Jamal Charles can’t down a “gimme punt” inside the five. Up next: Glenn Dorsey gets pancaked by a wide receiver. Draft picks at work people!

12:09

I just learned that T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are not playing today. If we give up more than 20 points today…

11:22

Anybody else hoping Ed Hochuli is umping tonight’s SD/Denver game?

10:08
Cincy is driving. Fantastic. God our defense sucks.

8:46

Patrick Surtain (it was really Jarrod Page) was credited with “really good coverage” on a dropped pass by a Cincy receiver I’ve never heard of. God, I hate these announcers. They could just put a couple of Cincy fans in there or maybe a couple of local college kids? It couldn’t have been any worse.

8: 41

Cincy goes for it on fourth down and fails. This is going to be a long and painful game to watch, isn’t it?

STL scoring update: Rams 0, Falcons 3. 10+ minutes left in the first quarter.

7:47

Three and out for the Chiefs after an incomplete pass to Tony Gonzalez.

Now would be a good time to mention a couple of records that could be set today. Four or fewer sacks makes the Chiefs the worst pass rushing team of all-time. Twelve or more catches by Tony Gonzalez breaks his own record for reception in a season by a tight end. Dwayne Bowe can get 1000 yards with an 81 yard (or more) receiving day.

6:44

Chris Henry should have beaten the Chiefs for a touchdown had he been able to find the pass intended for him. I don’t know whether to feel like the Chiefs dodged a bullet or if this is a sign of things to come.

4:38

I have a new, passionate hatred for DeAngelo Williams. Williams already has six carries for 80 yards halfway into the first quarter. I hate Jason, too.

1:45

Shane Graham hits a 39-yard field goal to give the Bengals the lead. Did you know Shane Graham is the fourth most accurate kicker in NFL history at 85%? I didn’t know that either.

RAMS UPDATE: Steven Jackson runs for a touchdown to put the Rams up 7-3 with 3 minutes left in the first quarter.

1:34

The Chiefs have been outgained 105 to 18 so far. Ugh. Cincy is ranked 21st in the league in defense, just incase you wanted to know.

0:00

The quarter ends with LJ losing six billion yards on a carry up the middle. We need a new offensive line and running back. Speaking of running backs, why isn’t Jamal Charles getting more carries in this game???