Colts/Chargers: 1st Quarter

Pregame:
Erik

Peyton Manning
Michael Turner = 10 (L)
Reggie Wayne
Roddy White = 14 (L)
Adam Vinatieri

Total = 24

Jason

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson

Total = 16

Ben

Philip Rivers
LDT
Chris Chambers
Dallas Clark
Nate Kaeding

Andrew

Joseph Addai
Anthony Gonzalez
Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Jason Elam = 5 (L)

Total = 43
______________

Chris

Kurt Warner = 16 (W)
Michael Turner = 10 (L)
Anquan Boldin = 16 (W)
Vincent Jackson
Colts

Total = 42

Jeff

Peyton Manning
Joseph Addai
LDT
Reggie Wayne

Tony

Larry Fitzgerald = 22 (W)
Steve Breaston = 3 (W)
Dallas Clark

Total = 25

Joel

Philip Rivers
Jerious Norwood = 3 (W)
Roddy White = 14 (W)
Adam Vinatieri

Total = 17

Fantastic. I hate my life.

In other news, listening to Jerome Bettis and Matt Millen is difficult. VERY difficult.

NBC’s Monster 3D Event thingy = Why nobody watches NBC (except for The Office and Heroes). Seriously, Keith and Dan couldn’t contain their sarcasm about how ridiculous this is. This is why I illegally download things. I have no problems stealing from stupid people.

I hate Faith Hill.

And with that: GO PHILIP RIVERS!!!!

15:00

Football players in pads and helmet riding stationary bikes look funny. I can sense Darren Sproles having a huge game. Colts will win though. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here comes LDT………

14:45

LDT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, every time he gets hit I think about his groin… That sounds gay. There are going to be a lot of groin jokes in the game.

13:30

As long as Vincent Jackson doesn’t touch the ball, I’ll be okay. I swear to God I’ll be okay…

12:37

I’d really appreciate it if the SD o-line would block. Bastardos. Chargers punt, Colts ball. COME ON DALLAS CLARK!!!

12:07

Peyton Manning completed 81.8% of his passes in December. Holy shit.

11:48

I’d really appreciate it if anybody associated with Andrew’s fantasy team sucked. No more Anthony Gonzalez, please.

10:32

Where’s Ed Hochuli?

9:49

Manning had Wayne WIDE open for a touchdown, but Wayne was expecting the ball to be somewhere else. Whew….

This is followed by a Wayne drop, which led to a Colts punt. COME ON LDT!!! OR RIVERS!!! OR CHAMBERS!!!

8:37

Three and out for San Diego. Damn Norv Turner.

Additionally, it appears Dustin Colquitt has been traded to San Diego. Crazy punts.

7:57

A Dallas Clark sighting. I would have appreciated it if that was a 85 yard touchdown.

And freaking Anthony Gonzalez…

4:37

I hate Andrew. I hate Anthony Gonzalez. I think now would be a good time to mention that I drafted Gonzalez in September. Ugh.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand he just caught another pass at the three yard line.

2:59

Touchdown Addai. 7-0 Colts. Six points for Andrew. I’m going to go kill myself.

Suicide Option #1: Use barbwire as a noose, superglue my hands to my head and hang myself. Hopefully my head would have been cut off so it would look like I ripped my own head off. That’s really how I feel right now: I want to rip my head off.

Damn you Colts. Damn you Andrew. Damn you fantasy football.

I really cannot live in a world where Andrew has the fantasy baseball championship and back-to-back football champion. I just can’t live in there, I just can’t.

2:18

Ugh. Philip Rivers misses a wide open receiver, followed by a penalty followed by my plotting of the murder of Norv Turner.

1:59

Darren Sproles is good. He’s so little!

:07

Philip Rivers completed 3 passes for 19 yards in that quarter. 19 yards. Ugh. NEXT QUARTER, PLEASE!

Note: I'm going to take the next two quarters off. I'll be back for the fourth quarter.