Falcons/Cardinals: 2nd Quarter

15:00

Turner doubles his rushing total with a 13-yard carry. Has an adjustment been made???

14:14

Jenkins makes a fist down catch for consecutive first downs for the Falcons. I’m now anticipating a Matt Ryan interception…

13:04

No interception yet. It’s going to happen…

12:29

No interception, but No Name Cardinals secondary player just killed someone. Huge hit.

11:49

How much of an uproar will there be if Ed Hochuli worked the Super Bowl? I really hope he’s doing tonight’s Chargers game…

10:03

You know those Coors commercials where they cut and splice former press conferences? When are they going to get the Mike Gundy meltdown in there? What about Jim Mora’s “playoffs?!?!”? Where are the classics is all I’m saying.

10:00

Jason Elam hits a field goal to make it 7-3. There goes the shutout for whoever played the Arizona DEF/ST.

Key Players Scoring Update:

M. Turner = 2
R. White = 2
K. Warner = 7
L. Fitzgerald = 13
A. Boldin = 0

9:43

Anquan Boldin finally made a catch. Andrew doesn’t care. Larry Fitzgerald, bitch.

8:58

71 yards. Anquan Boldin. Touchdown. Larry Anquan Boldin Fitzgerald, bitch. (And Kurt Warner, too!)

Kurt Warner – on a weak five-of-12 passing – now has 14 points. (Chris and Jason)

Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin each have 13 points. Andrew has both of them. (Chris has Boldin, Tony has Fitzgerald.)

Now that I think about it, I left out the 40- and 50-plus yard touchdown bonus.

So make that 14 points for Fitz and 16 points for Boldin.

Damnit.

7:46

Alright, so now that Roddy White is dropping wide open passes and the Falcons look to have the collective “Tennessee Face” going on for them, lets now move on to the next game. Whatever we can do to keep Andrew from getting more points.

7:29

Fantastic catch by Jenkins to keep the drive alive for the Falcons. The Falcons must score a touchdown here to keep this game within range.

6:45

The Falcons have waived the white flag by handing the ball off to Turner. He has NOWHERE to go.

5:56

Ryan makes a clutch third down throw to Roddy White (who actually caught this one) to keep the drive alive again. This is followed by another first down. Matt Ryan has a much stronger arm than I remember him having in college.

4:24

I feel like I’m watching the Alabama/Utah game right now.

Additional thought: Now knowing that the Lions went 0-16 and had one of the worst secondary’s in NFL history, should that actually make Matt Ryan’s first pass for a touchdown less impressive? Or should we have seen the Lions’ woes much sooner?

2:55

Michael Turner overcomes his bust status with a touchdown. Chris and Erik celebrate. Bastards.

The Cardinals have just one timeout and 2:55 to get into scoring range from their own 20. Good thing they don’t have a passing game…

2:35

Anquan Boldin is a woman. He has “cramps”. Pussy. Run it off, bitch. God, I hate Andrew right now…

2:10

PICKED OFF!!! Jebus Jackson???? I swear I just heard the announcer guy say “Jebus” picked off the pass. Fantastic name. With all of that said, that was a terrible set of play calling by Arizona. They deserved to have the pass picked off.

2:00

It’s the two-minute warning and you know what that means: THE NINTETH RUNNING OF THAT REALLY ANNOYING GEICO COMMERCIAL!!!! Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Has there ever been a phone name that best described annoying teenage girls like “Rant”? I’m now ready for the “Shut the Fuck Up” phone to come out.

Norv Turner expects LDT to play. FUCK, I FORGOT NORV TURNER COACHED THE CHARGERS!!! I’m screwed.

1:18

Arizona is having issues with premature penetration… That’s what she said.

:27

Roddy White is getting destroyed in this game.

A play-action pass for a touchdown (17-14) gives Atlanta the lead and all of a sudden Matt Ryan has a lead going into the second half. Arizona has no business being in this position. I guess this is why they are Arizona…

:09

I really wish I drafted Darren Sproles.

I now need to go hide so I don’t poison my mind with Matt Millen “wisdom”.