Falcons/Cardinals: 1st Quarter

Pregame thoughts: What the hell is Matt Millen doing on NBC’s pregame coverage? Out of all of the dismissed general managers, he was the best one they could come up with? This explains a lot about NBC.

Thank God Chris Collinsworth is doing the first game of the playoff double-header. I was concerned is was going to be Rod Marinelli or something. Part of me wishes Collinsworth was doing the late game so I didn’t have to listen to John Madden during the game I cared about most. Oh well: Win some, lose some.

I’m waiting for Kurt Warner’s wife to randomly appear during the pregame…

Players of Note:
Michael Turner
Kurt Warner
Larry Fitzgerald
Roddy White

15:00

This is the part where I hope Michael Turner tears some tendon connected to his pelvic bone…

14:47

You know there is a small part of you that hopes Kurt Warner gets hurt and Matt Leinart has to find a way to lead his team to victory. The world needs a mediocre Matt Leinart starting NFL games.

13:50

After one play, Matt Ryan has more rushing yards than Michael Turner. Turner = Bust.

Michael Turner had 376 carries this season. You’d have to expect some kind of Larry Johnson syndrome next season, right?

12:32

Matt Ryan is picked off by a random Cardinal (I wasn’t paying attention to who it was). This is good news for the team who started the Arizona defense…

Ralph Brown made the pick. Chris Collinsworth tells me he’s been in the league for 9 years. Somehow, I don’t believe him since I don’t even remember the guy being on Madden.

11:42

Edgerin James is running the ball like he wants out of Arizona.

James + Motivation = Atlanta loss.

10:28

Warner + Flea Flicker + Sick Catch by Larry Fitzgerald = 7-0 Cardinals

Andrew and Tony each received 10 points on the play. Jason and Chris received 5. Seems cruel, doesn’t it?

What a catch by Fitzgerald though. And he was all kinds of double-fucked on the play. The Falcons didn’t bite on the flea flicker and the ball was slightly overthrown. What a catch…

10:25

I’m really glad I don’t have to watch NBC football for the next eight-plus months after today.

9:49

Does University of Pheonix Stadium have discounts specifically for University of Pheonix students for Cardinals games?

8:46

Roddy White makes his first catch. The Falcons get their first first down. Erik and Joel get their first points.

8:15

Arizona’s strategy is clear: Leave no one in pass coverage. They are baiting the Falcons rookie quarterback into throwing the ball. And when he doesn’t, there is literally nine guys in the backfield waiting for Michael Turner. Lot of pressure on Ryan.

Next play: Ryan is sacked.

7:52

Note to self: Do not buy TurboTax because of their creepy commercial.

7:07

NBC’s “raw” intro commentary from Tiki Barber isn’t working for me. Someone please shut that man up.

6:21

Larry Fitzgerald is Jesus.

5:46

And so is Edgerin James.

4:56

J.J. Arrington is not Jesus.

4:37

Anquan Boldin drops a pass and forces the Cardinals to punt. The punt is downed at the five yard-line. I suspect nothing good happens from this ensuing Falcons drive.

4:05

Hey! Turner gained a yard!!! (Three actually.)

3:30

Minus Rogers-Cromartie, I have no idea who any of these people are that are playing in the Cardinals secondary. Yet, as Ryan gets sacked again, they seem to be the most amazing defensive backs ever to play the game. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Arizona Cardinals are going to have more playoff wins this decade than the Kansas City Chiefs. Ugh.

3:20

I’m trying to come up with a scenario where I’d want the Chiefs to sign Kurt Warner to a one-year deal next season. I can’t come up with one.

(Note: Immediately after I wrote this he almost had a pass picked off and returned for a touchdown.)

2:31

Arizona punts, dude foolishly catches the punt inside the 10, dude gets murdered at the eight yard-line.

2:26

Turner, two yards.

Bust.

(But, apparently, so is LDT. Damnit.)

1:57

Roddy makes another catch. Yippee. Turner gains nothing on the ensuing play. What a terrible first half for the Falcons offense. They are going to need some kind of defensive touchdown or play that puts them close to the endzone if they are going to have any chance of scoring.

:00

The first quarter is over – that was fast. Larry Fitzgerald’s catch was still freaking amazing.

Oh, and have I mentioned that Sheron Collins is Basketball Jesus?